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he wasnt like other tennis players wearing tight clothing n white shorts, he wore neon, black, had long hair
health consequences based on beginning of open
"being rly good at something i hated" biggest controversy in book came on pg1
he mentions several times that he hates tennis in book
ppl would say "thats not possible" nobody took it seriously
why go thru allat to make comeback after being at the top then coming down, if u hate it
fear was a great motivator
tennis was never my choice it was my fathers choice, i was raised to believe my identity would come thru my success & performance as tennis player
i saw what not succeeding did to relationships in family
felt disproportionate importance of tennis
being youngest n best, all hopes came down on me
sent 13yo me to tennis academy in florida
tennis ripped away the feeling of belonging
sent to camp that had no supervision, like lotf with just teens
quality of life was based on how we did
how u perform defines who u are
the only way out of the academy was to succeed
winning feels good, but its not who you are
i felt like i was living a fradulent life, wearing mask, didnt know who i was
after becoming #1 love became defining motivation
the moment i realized just bc i didnt choose my life doesnt mean i cant take ownership of it
choice is an illusion (REAL ITS FOCUS ITS PERSPECTIVE)
how many of u have a choice u dont get to choose where ur born, ur strengths n weaknesses
i hated it, unquestionably, but i learned to love myself in it
fear of father was motivator, he created fear of failure
"the first scars are the last to heal" (????? sounds deep but like what logic)
u mentioned contradiction has been a theme in ur life
i didnt need to be perfect i just needed to trust myself <--thts when i rly started to chnge
"recognized space between my mind and heart, which can be the greatest distance measured on earth...one has to be subservient"
our heart keeps knocking, smths not right, smths not right (REA-) u gotta bridge the gap
when u listen to ur gut /heart itll take u a certain direction, its important that that leads, hold your mind captive til its worthy of the theme of ur heart bc if you dont u might become the doctor, etc that ur parents want u to be but smth will always be poking at you
for me it was recognizing that that helped me deal with perfectionism, bc perfectionism is a destination u never get to, like most other things (booo)
ive spent my entire life working backwards from clearly defined goals
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