Notes

Ever since i was a little girl, i have been pressured by perfection. At the beginning i just ignored society, but after awhile it caught up with me... When i was in kindergarden, my life was great i had everything i always want, My brothers, Mom, Dad, and me. We were the happiest family you could ever imagine, but as i got older things started to change. I realized what my dad had been doing to my mom over the years. When i was in grade 3 my dad was already in prison... he was my everything, but he left me. My mom then raised me as a single parent. In grade 5 my mom was diagnosed with cancer, i thought it was all my fault, but was then reassured it wasn´t . Just at the end of my fifth grade year i started to make myself puke, i had an illness. I just tried so hard to ignore the person inside my head, i thought she went away. I called her my savour... i thought she was going to make me skinny like all the others... she went away for half a year then was back for the beginning of grade 7. This time was diffrent she had a mission and if i would have known she was trying to kill me i would have never listened but sometimes i still listen to her... she is with me everywhere i go. In grade 8 i started to cut... i cut my legs,arms .wrists and my stomach.. it all started when i was in the shower one day thought i looked ugly and never thought good enough to even be alive< so i thought why not...?? but then tried it and never went back.. when i told my mom about it she asked me why and asked if i hurt i told her it felt good and really didnt have a good enough answer. Also started to starve myself. I fell in love with a boy that will never love me back. After he broke my heart i cried myself to sleep for a week and finally felt better. After about six years after my mom stopped seeing my father she started dating his brother my uncle, he is very abusive.... he punchs the walls, this one time he put his hands around my throat thankfully my mom was there. He isnt just physically abusive he is mentally abusive to..... he calls me names, that why i dont like to go home right away. i get bullied in my own home. i want to live some where else. but i hurt my moms feelings when i tell her i want to move into my grandmas house. i have smoke drugs and drank untill i was puking. i just dont have the heart to tell my mom.... she would kill me.