Notes

this is for the people who are having a rough time out there.
Now listen up

Have you ever felt sad or lonely?
Have you ever felt two feet tall?
Have you ever thought "Man, if only I was anybody else at all."?
They like to kick you when times get rough
And you give your all but it's not enough

And sticks and stones might break your bones
But words can break your heart
And if you don't know where to go
I'll show you where to start

Kill yourself
It'll only take a minute
And you'll be happy that you did it
Just go over to your oven and shove your head in it
Kill yourself
Really, you should do it
There's, uh, really nothing to it
Just, uh, grab a mug and chug a cup of lighter fluid

OK, now
I feel like you've pulled back
Maybe it's on account of the fact that I'm telling you to kill yourself over and over again
I'm just trying to make a simple point that these—that life's toughest problems don't have simple answers. You shouldn't just be brave, you shouldn't just roar. You shouldn't kill yourself
But I understand that it's a sensitive subject, and you're probably just hearing me say that
And I've dealt with s—I don't wanna be insens—look

I sound un-empathetic
I sound mean and rude
Suicide is an epidemic
And I don't want to be misconstrued
Signs of depression go overlooked
So if you're depressed
Then you need to book
A therapy session
Talk about your depression
And let a professional hear it
But if you search for moral wisdom in Katy Perry's lyrics, then

Kill yourself
It won't be painful
If you are able
To give a little kiss to an oncoming train
You'll kill yourself
It's over, mull it
There's a trigger, pull it
Get it through your head, "it" being a bullet

Stick your tongue in a plug
Suck a pipe of exhaust
Make some toast in the tub
Nail yourself to a cross
Hold your breath 'til it's gone
Drink a gallon of mace
Be gay in Iran
Let Oprah sit on your face
Jump off of a bridge
Skinny dip in a flood
Sky-dive attached to a fridge
Drink a Haitian guy's blood
Break into the zoo
Give a tiger a shove
Eat a Phillips head screw
Marry Courtney Love

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(It's about how sad the world is
And its really sad, so it's called "Sad"
It's about all the sad stuff
Just picture a depressed onion cutting itself.)

I met a homeless man named Rich (He wasn't)
Isn't that terrible?
I saw a flyer for a lost dog and the dog didn't have any legs
I saw a diabetic kid trick-or-treating
I saw a giraffe who had a short neck
That was sad or a deer

I saw an old man get hit by a train
He didn't see it in the pouring rain
He didn't hear me shout, "Look out for the train!"
'Cause I didn't say anything
I just thought to myself, "Oh, this is gonna be sad."
And it was, I'm a genius

I saw a man with only one eye in a 3D movie
I saw a little boy drop his ice cream cone directly on his mother's corpse
I saw a kitten stuck in a tree then the kitten jumped off and he hung itself
I saw a boy who had red hair

I went to a shop looking for something to buy
But they only sold paintings of the same sad guy
No, wait—this shop sells mirrors
See what I did there?

Let's rock
No

The world's so sad, Madison
Pain, war, genocide, racism, sexism
But I gotta remember there's good things about it too
Like the fact that none of that's happening to me, score!
Still though it's hard not to be sad about it
How do y'all do it?
I've been telling you, guys, terribly sad things this whole song. You haven't been sad at all
You've been happy, no.
You've been laughing
That's it, laughter, it's the key to everything
It's the way to solve all the sadness in the world
I mean, not for the people that are actually sad, but for the people like us who've gotta fucking deal with 'em all the time
Being a comedian isn't being an insensitive prick capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses of the public, it's being a hero!
The world isn't sad. The world's funny! I get it now! I'm a sociopath!

I saw an old man slip and fall. Hey, what a fucking idiot
I saw a woman at her daughter's funeral. Ha ha ha! Classic comedy!
Everything that once was sad is somehow funny now
The Holocaust and 9/11
That shit's funny 24/7
'Cause tragedy will be exclusively joked about,
Because my empathy is bumming me out
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storys
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Once upon a time, there was a frog named Andy.
Andy lived at the Patten Park Pond and had never hopped anywhere else his entire frog life.
He had 3 best friends.
Millie- who never left her lily pad, Billie- who was always hopping mad, and Roger- who was arrested for being a paedophile. So one day, Andy saw something hop across the grass on the other side of the pond!
"Millie, Billie, Roger, look!" said Andy.
Across the pond stood the most beautiful frog that Andy had ever seen.
"She's gorgeous!" said Millie.
"She's beautiful!" said Billie.
"BIT OLD FOR MY TASTE." said Roger.
(Classic Roger.)
And then she was gone.
"I need to go find her," said Andy, "I need to follow my little frog heart."
So Andy followed the beautiful frogs footsteps into the forest.
He then came across a turtle.
"You can't pass!" said the turtle.
"Please?" said Andy.
"NO." said the turtle.
Then, there was a rustling in the bushes, and like a man who had been shot in the chest with a rifle, the turtle was shot in the chest with a rifle.
Andy kept moving, but at this point, like the doctor of a Kenyan track team, his patience ran thin.
Andy kept moving.
He then came across a giant crocodile, and the crocodile began to chant:
"I woke up this morning and I sat on a log, I opened up the menu and the menu said frog!"
Andy said, "NO! No, please let go of me, I can feel myself dying, you're ripping up my insides, I'm never gonna find her am I, there's no god is there,AHHH!"
the end.