Notes

Okay... So yesterday I tried going cold turkey with the klonopin because I realize how much dumb, abusive, and reckless with lately. Also wanted to prevent myself from that point of major addiction. About 6 hours into the day I started going through W/D symptoms; sweating, really bad shaking, rapid changing and abnormal body temp. I tried to just sleep it off but I started hearing crazy loud voices in my head, things like "WHERE IS MY 25cents?," "Would you like colored pencils with that?," "I NEED MORE NOW!!!," and people screaming. Kinda funny but extremely scary... Dan was helping me out the whole time and eventually we both figured I should take at least a mg and ween off. I texted my close friend too about what was going on and he had convinced me to come chill with him, I mean sounded like a good Idea so I could distract myself.

I kinda thought it would just be a one on one thing, go out and get something to eat, have a few beers and just talk out what I've been going through and the changes I need to make, he also promised me he wouldn't be up all night and that he'd get me to work in the morning. Little did I know his parents weren't home and he had already set up a little house party with a bunch of good&old friends and a lot alcohol. We got intoxicated to the point I was thinking like (yeah better call my mom and get home or else there is no way I'll be making it to work). Seconds after I made the phone call, kid who knocked my tooth out shows up. So I tried talking some sense into him because literally all he has to do is fake an accident at his house and insurance would completely cover it, not to mention he's rich as fuck; Just to give you some perspective he's got two tanning beds in his basement... Well according to him he's been getting in a lot of trouble with the law and has a ton of other shit to deal with and I just lost it. Threatened to beat his ass, got in my friends gun closet, etc.... (very weak and wrong on my part but remember I have kpin and alcohol in my system). Most of my friends are on much better terms with him and know he's a reckless, selfish prick. Once they saw me outta control they helped me calm down and were like "hey man, we will do our best to convince him to help you out or else we'll tear his ass up ourselves."

.....Well seconds after all this went down, my mom shows up. I got in her car while I'm still an emotional mess and told her something along the lines of "I don't think this asshole is going to help me out at all, I'm sooooo fucked!" Little did I know my mom is also at her breaking point because something happened between a loan on a car she almost had set up, whilst everything else that's going on, and today is her birthday. So she gets out of the car and loses it, screaming at the top of her lungs "WHERE IS THIS ASSHOLE WHO BROKE MY SONS TOOTH!" As well as giving all sorts of threats. Goes up to my friends house (best friend & the one helping me with the situation) starts banging on the door whilst still screaming; waking up all his neighbors, embarrassing her and myself in front of all my friends. I had to yell at her to get her to calm down and forcefully drag her back to the car. Not only because of the extra problems she was creating but this kid she is dealing with is a ticking time bomb, who doesn't give two shits about anyone but himself, and always turns towards physical aggression first. My friends had to hold him back from getting physical with my mom.

On top of all this, I have been avoiding my friends for so long just because I didn't want them to see me at such a weak point of my life whilst everyone has good jobs and is in college. I mean I finally got back on good terms with all of them, they all were offering to help me sort my life together; give me rides to work, give me good recommendations at decent paying jobs, etc. Now it just has all fallen apart again, and the chances of getting this kid to help me pay for my tooth are much more slim.... I don't have much more time before all my teeth start caving and falling out...