Notes

I'm not even me. I never was a person who could talk to other people about my feelings. I hide everything from my mom so she won't worry about me. My dad died a few years ago. People think I'm one of those girls who don't get all emotional for like everything. The truth is whenever someone says something about my dad i burst into tears. People would think that I would've gotten over something that happened years ago but everyday I feel so empty inside. It doesn't really depress me anymore now but it's still a reason for why i suffer from depression. My dad lived away and I only saw him once a year. When he died I was 6 so I only spent little time with him. I always preferred him over my mother honestly speaking. He spoiled me unlike my mother. I guess I'll talk about other things that depress me now.

I have a personality disorder. It's just another term for being fake. I always change my personality to suit a different person. There are only 2 people who I can really be me around. The one who would understand me the most is Alicia <3. Her real name is Emily but she just likes people to call her that. I met her online and we became best friends. She suffered from depression like me so i could relate. I never had enough courage to tell her about my problems but i gave her hints so she knew. She hasn't been on for about 2 months and I got really worried until a few days ago she sent me a message on this game we play. I wasn't home at the time so I cried for like 6 hours because i missed the chance to talk to her. I hope she comes online again and I don't miss her <3.

My other friend is a boy named jaydn xd. He's weird like me and we went the same school. I only started talking to him after we started going different schools though. After 5 months I fell in love with him. He turned me down but nothing changed. A few months ago I had my friend's fb logged in Firefox since I use Opera now and I accidentally saw a message between him and my friend and he said he liked me for a while. I'm still in love with him and I wonder if he still likes me. We haven't been talking much lately because our convos are starting to be like 6 sentences a day and it hurts. The truth is I think I'll never stop loving him.

I'm usually considered funny, perverted etc. by my friends in school. Like I said I'm only me around 2 people. Sometimes I wish I could just be me but I can't. It's not that I've been me around people and they didn't like me but, it's just that a new personality pops up when I get a new friend and I can't control it.

I guess I'll end it here because I'm getting tired.