Notes

hello, my name is Rebecca Caitlyn Cynthia Breen, i am 14 years old born on 9th august 2002 in singleton hospital at a time which i know not of i am the youngest child of 4, my parents are Thomas and Nicola Breen my 3 siblings are quite a bit older than me being 11,10 and 6 years older despite the age difference i am close to them i also am a auntie to 3 children 2 of them by my eldest brother and 1 to my only sister i have 2 nieces and an nephew. the eldest being named tyler at age 3 years and my first niece being 1 years old and them children are children to my eldest brother and my youngest niece being 6 months old her mother is my sister as you probably would of gathered by now.You're probably wondering what my siblings names are well......

my eldest sibling is 25 years old and named Aarran t k Breen,
my second eldest brother is 24 years old and named Thomas d e Breen,
my only sister is 21 years old and named Rhiannon s e Breen, as you tell growing up them three we're all close in age myself being only 14 years of age i wasn't very confident growing up throughout primary school i was always looking for my sister and with her being last year of primary school before she wen't off to secondary school i always needed her. at this time i was in infant part of school being only 5-6 years old at the time i always looked up to her relying on her to be there, soon enough she went off to secondary school this is where is had to start growing up a little, few years past i was in junior part of school i starting gaining weight which i knew not of due to myself being young i started at weighing 7 stone in year 3 which was ok i guess eventually i got to be a leaver at primary school at the age of 11 i weighed 11 stone throughout the time of primary i was always getting headaches as i have a thing called migraines which i have learned to control with the proper health and if i do ever get a migraine i know how and when to stop it. at this present time of 2013 i was leaving primary school i didnt want to leave i was actually starting to enjoy it until i got called fat by someone i will not declare anyways that brought me down a lot so i had a problem where if i we're ever stressed or upset i would eat anything and everything which made me gain weight i was pretty young as this time and didn't know what was going on, i went onto secondary school year 7 was ok i suppose but....... i wouldnt say i was bullied but more like questioned and irritated by a girl who always used to call me out for not being in school asking me why i wasn't in and why i had things such as a bald patch which was caused by an hairdryer incident if you were wondering. i was a hardworking pupil i tried to get all my school work done as fast as i could and i wanted it all to be correct i was putting a lot of stress on myself by doing this along with having homework which i would stay up all night doing i didn't realise what i was doing to myself at the time but i felt accomplished where i was in the top form being in 7.5 and 8.5 and set 1 in math. at this time i started losing my attendance which i have never been good at keeping i lost a lot of work that i couldn't keep up on bearing in mind i was suffering with migraines and was only prescripted calpol as i didn't know how to swallow tablets yet that's when one day i went into school i had math and my teacher told she was moving me to set 2 which was a lower group so i went and i found it easier than set 1 i had more friends in there my school was 25 miles away from my house and the questioning or "bullying" of these girls was starting to get to me at this period of time i had no confidence so i never stood up for myself so i chose to leave that school and move to a school only being 3 miles from our house where we live in Carmarthenshire where people speak welsh i learnt some in my old school but nothing like this, i went to school for 3 days before something else happened, my first day was kind of a blur i had no confidence being spoke to in welsh was intimidating, anyway so i went into my set form i didn't have any friends i cried all day i felt like a big baby feeling lost not knowing where classes are where i was,i tried asking people but they would tell me they had to go to they're class i made 3 friends of which i thought they were being forced to be my friends by the teacher i didn't eat at break nor at lunch for the 3 days i attended, my parents didn't understand what was wrong when i came home crying everyday and hungry i couldn't go back to my old school due to lack of attendance so my mother persuaded me to go back for two more days and this time in the morning on the way i started having panic attacks nothing better happened all day still crying still depressed so i took a day off which turned into home schooling i still keep in contact with my friends from old school and being home schooled taught me a lot more than what public school ever did my first session with my "teacher" as i call her she comes out once a year to see how i am. she said was suffering with a thing called social anxiety i had no clue, so i lacked confidence had social anxiety and had migraines not to mention i was over weight. i have been homeschooled now for about 2 and a half years it has benefited me so much that nobody would understand unless they read this i have lost nearly 2 1/2stone in weight weighing at 81/2stone -9stone my weight obviously fluctuates which i cant control but i can control my migraines now and i am a lot more confident i will defend myself in an argument instead of letting them tell me. i still get a bit of social anxiety which i can do nothing about i still stress sometimes not as much though which is good,the only problem i have is that secretly i know all of my family are judging me and i feel as though i have let them down but with myself being homeschooled does not mean my intensions to work, to go college, to earn money have changed because they haven't i intend to earn my own money i will get a job when i turn sixteen maybe even 15 if i can get a job that young i intend to go to college to do my gcse's to learn about photography to qualify as a professional photographer and still have a retail job on the side. by the way i lie to people, some of my family all of my friends they think i'm still in school and i will tell them that until i go to college i've learnt from my mistakes i'm my life bearing in mind i'm 14 and its only started i know that and i am so excited to see what comes to me in the future i will read this when i am older to look back on and to remember my life which i say now i screwed up but future me may say different or may say the same,but just know life is a battlefield you get hurt, you make mistakes, you learn and until i am homeless with no life and no money i will never ever apologise for every decision i make its my life i will live it as i wish, my parents funded me all they can, supported me, raised me, fed me, bathed me, dressed me, taught me to speak,crawl and walk and they're my everything so until they tell me i made wrong decisions i will not stop until i get everything i want or need in my life.
well that's my life, my story its been difficult and i'm finally ok for now, soon see what life throws at me next.

i feel so much better letting everything out on here because i know that i couldn't tell anybody in person without getting upset see you soon future me xoxo becky breen