Notes

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Ancillary access redacted entrapment it's smack it's depakote ghosts coaxed cloaked and choked, fading under all those anti-psychotic toxins blocking and rocking every confide in your skull they find.
They call this silence peace of mind but the lack of noise resounds too loud so you give into opiatic lips and chemical kisses babe your young tongue tastes bitter and you were
Now unclench your jaw as eyes defocus please know this neurosis as hopeless till you blow this into proportion.
No amount of cleverness could have prevented that distortion, the noise that came out of her mouth when she woke up.
Oh Fuck.
You heard that realization connect like live wires to clumsy hands. Scorching skin like bad lands and in that second she spoke every feeling disconnected, every wound was resurrected.
So you focus. You focus. You focus.
knuckles tense with indignation
Your hands are shaking I know you're fading
Feel your teeth ache with incisors primed to decimate and that gait so patrician, oh it still quickened with each step passed
Till you slowly when you realize where you are and run those clumsy hands over the outline of your scars.
They surge and burn when you realize she just took you for all your worth.
This is scorched earth.
[You] realized then that it was just dumb luck that she didn't take you down with her and with that knowledge you grew much more bitter.
Still, there's a day and a half until you can come back so you keep your tact. You hold your grace. You go to your room and bury your face because Alex is never who you were.
The night fades to another in a long series of blur and chaos.
You always wake up that next morning violent.
With incisors primed to decimate, that gait patrician but it won't quicken.
I realize you'd done to me something I could never do to you.
Despite this, I couldn't help but love you.