Notes

"I may disagree with your lifestyle but I still love you."


I hear this often, whether it's aimed at me being homosexual or my more public stance, being an atheist. I understand the virtue religious people see in
reminding others that they disagree with you or the way you live but followed by the love they still feel for you. I get that they are taught to see certain lifestyles as "sinful", that is seeing a pair of same-sex humans in a relationship or someone who publicly rejects the idea of the existence of a deity.

I understand, we just met. You're a friend of a friend or the cousin I've never met until now. You just discovered my life-style and have to make a public gesture of disagreement. "Hey, I just want you to know- I may disagree with your lifestyle but I still love you." These words have been uttered and echo in the minds of those who receive them. This gesture becomes tiresome when repeated over and over— ad nauseam. Especially when it's done by the same person.

This is something that would hurt when heard over and over from a family member but luckily my parents have only made this gesture once and never again, I'm truly thankful for this, even if I know they disagree with me, the key is: They know I know and that's enough for them. Unfortunately, I know someone I am very close to that has to hear this several times during a routine phone conversation with a parent that lives 1,200 miles away. I feel bad for this person. Not only do I have the convenience to see my parents in person as often as I want, they still respect me as a person regardless of conflicting world views or lifestyles. I want to make clear, they totally disagree with my lifestyle, but the fact is— they don't feel the need to express it. They love me enough to put aside their uncomfortable feelings and for some reason, that feels more loving then if they were just o.k with my lifestyle.

But there is something wrong with you if you have to constantly remind your child how uncomfortable you are with their lifestyle or life choices. I'm trying my best not to write the generic message of "Why can't you just accept me for who I am". That's truly not my goal, and what a boring life lived if everyone just accepted everyone regardless of their world view or life style. For me, Life is exciting when there are intellectual adversaries— those who challenge you. I've never been closer to my friends or family, especially my parents, than when I disagreed with them and had long conversations about our conflicting world views.

My goal-