Notes

i really wish that all my friends hadn't have turned on me. if you ask me, that was such a shitty thing to do. i told all my secrets to a very special person, whom i thought i could trust. little did i know, she totally stabbed me in the bad. to be honest, it hurts a lot, but i am not letting it get to me that much because she betrayed me and i don't know why. i wish i knew why all those girls did what they did. did i do something to make them want to do that to me? i go day and night being told and believing that the entire situation was my fault. i may have been at fault for some actions thats went on, but if my so called "friends" and "teammates" wouldn't have been saying all those things, the entire disaster could have been avoided. but now, everything thing is just blamed on me for some reason. it honestly seems like everything is my fault nowadays. i don't understand what i have done so wrong to everybody to make them treat me so horribly. i mean, i got quite a bit of dirt on some people, but i'm not going around sharing all of their secrets and bullshit like that. i am just so fucking tired of being treating like a doormat. getting stepped on by everybody that crosses paths with me. which if you didn't know, is a terrible feeling. i can't stop wracking my brain trying to figure out why these girls did this to us. i mean, the coaches go on and one about how we are supposed to me a team and a family, but if that's the case, then we have a family of stuck little back stabbing bitches that don't care about anyone but theirsleves. i am just done worrying about everyone. they can talk shit all the want and spread all my secrets around. i know whats true and what they're lying about. it's time for me to stop letting people get to me and use me as a doormat. it's all just a bunch of bullshit if you ask me.