Notes

Hey. Good morning I hope I didn’t wake you up. As I was saying, it’s so stupid how when we grow up we just change. From an early childhood, god knows what they do to gay people in my religion. You know what they do if they even find out you are having thoughts like this? They take you back to India or my case Papua New Guinea and take you to the church where they isolate you from human existence and make you bathe in this cold holy water for 2 hours trying to destroy all the bad spirits. Our bible says if you aren’t a heterosexual, it means a man who does not act the way a man should act. Would be considered a defective person or some sort of human who just has failed my role in life. I can live with that. I can but I just need you to not change the way you look at me. I still want you to talk to me. This is all super hard to say I can barely breathe and I’m just choking on plain air. I just need to talk to someone. I am just scared. The person I feel most comfortable with talking to is you. These days.. I don’t know it just doesn’t seem that we talk that much anymore. This year I doubt we will be in any classes together and I can’t bare the fact that just one fine day we wont even be friends. I just need to know a fucking person is there but I just don’t seem to be feeling your presence anymore. I feel like you just generally don’t like to talk to me and I’m really fucking scared. If you do just find the need to ignore me or not talk to me, just say so please but don’t leave me just waiting for you to come back. I get it. We all move on from friends especially when not in the same class anymore. Maybe you will replace me. Who knows but… yeah call me fucking cringe but I am so emotional right now I don’t even give a god damn fuck. I need you.. I just need to know you’re still there. I know a day will come and I just will be gone in your memory and you will be super duper close with Megan or Suwathie or Rachel or Nim or Sara or just anyone. Just for the first term, try not to replace me too soon (im sorry that was a joke) I don’t know who I will be in the future. I don’t know if I will be straight Mahee or bisexual Mahee. Right Now, Im just Mahee. I don’t know who you will be either but for now please just be my best friend. Please.