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I've just been thinking and I do not like the person I am. I find myself not happy and crabby. Yeah, I smile and laugh a lot but all I want is to feel so happy that nothing will get to me. I need to love myself more. I need to treat my parents with so much more respect. They do so much for me and I treat them with so much disrespect. This Cole kid is ruining my life. He is always on my mind. I'm addicted to him. I'm always checking my phone to see if he snapped me or if his score has gone up. He will box me and then his score will go up so much and then I don't even care anymore and I snap him and then he responses right away. See its a sickness. He will treat me like shit, but I still give in whenever he says something "cute". Why do I do this to myself? I can't stop thinking about what will happen next. We had a thing this summer and he made me feel so special. I ended this with him bc I was scared to have commitment but I liked him still. I never got over him and so my feelings for him are giving me such bad anxiety. I've thrown up so many times bc I'm always stressed over him, school and my friends. I'm so confused on what I should do. He sent a pic of him flicking me off today and it absolutely ruined my day. Sweetheart has also been a mess bc of him. Also having to deal with Kora has what really has put a toll on my life. She is just so mean. She bullies me. How can someone hurt you so much that used to care so much for you, if she ever did. I'm so glad God has guided me to my amazing true friends. Morgan, Ashleigh, Catrina, and even Brooke. I am so grateful for my wonderful friends. Can't imagine going through all this without the support of them and my parents. Why can't everyone just be nice to each other? Just breathe Maddy. YOU GOT THIS MADDOG!!! Show people that you're one of kind and shine like a star and of course, DO NOT others opinions control you and who you are. Do things for yourself girl.

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