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Today, it is my most bountiful pleasure to inform you as to the reasons for which I do not consume the food commonly known as "Banana," in it's natural form. Should the so-called "Banana" be inserted, frozen, into a dessert, it would be acceptable and of reasonable probability that I should partake in the consumption of this food. However, in it's natural form, being the state of warm squishy mush inside a plasticky peel, it is reasonably expected that I shan't consume the food. The reasons for my disposition regarding the fruit "Banana" are as follows: they are sweet yellow mush and I find that to be an utmost offense to my appetite. The sweetness is the only quality held by the "Banana" that I may enjoy or even tolerate, however, in conjunction with the mushy wetness of the fruit, it proves inescapable that I may cease to enjoy the fruit. It is for those reasons that, when frozen to a proper extent, I may enjoy consuming the "Banana," for it is no longer of a mushy consistency, but maintains its sweet nature. I hope this letter has assumed a proper explanation as to the reasons for my nonconsumption of "bananas." Should you have any further inquiry, please don't hesitate to contact my publicist "Katie Katieson" from Banana Publicism HQ in Jackson, Missouri. She will reconcile any issues you may have developed as a result of reading this formal explanation.
Sincerely,
Brian Wilmarth
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