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It comes to me as a hard thing to watch a movie or read a book involving gay couples. it's my only problem with LGBT stuff. But I've wanted to read this book since it came out and it's a shame that I read it a year later. I'm glad that I read it even I didn't enjoy it as i expected. It took me almost 1 month to finish and skipped a lot of lines. But no doubt that this is an amazingly-written book and painfully honest prose about depression, self-harm and abuse. I dont see what Hanya had written as "torture porn" bc it really showed how Jude haunted by what he had been through and how he truly wanted to feel "things" while having sex with Willem.
BUT THIS SHIT IS TOO LONG i want to cut half of this book and some parts made what i had read emotionless to me. The amount of tragedy may be too much for me even i know this is fictional. And I truly have problem with minor characters. Hanya only showed one side of those characters like too good, too nice, too bad, too soft, too cruel. maybe to <b>stereotypical</b>: brilliant mathematician, pianist, great swimmer,... (where's in the book mentioning him learning those stuff - assumption af). For a "heartless" (he didnt understand love) as Jude, he had too people to look out for him and those people really take care of him that really annoyed me. Idk i'm sorry that's my problem. I dont even know why people like Jude tbh
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