Notes

Dear First Love,
You had me so captured In your trance, I was head over heels for you, I even stopped talking to some friends for you but that doesn't even matter that much anymore. You said you loved me, I said it back. And boy what a mistake that was. I didn't realize it at first though. I was in love with you, so madly madly in love with you. You and your brown eyes and brown hair and amazing smile and uplifting soul. One night when my best friend was mad at me, you had your mom drive all the way to my house just so you could give me a hug to make me feel better. We went for a walk, played on a playground, it was really amazing. Then after you left, you said you were going to kiss me, all i felt was butterflies in my stomach. I was 13 and in love. 13. Such a naive little age. You broke my heart. Shattered it. I was and still am broken from it. I'm 15 now. You've moved on from it and not a day goes by that I don't think about it. You taught me to love myself, and when I couldn't do that you loved me. You got me to stop hurting myself, or so you thought. I was already broken when when i was in love with you, just didn't realize how bad it was. And after you broke my heart, i snapped. I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to die, i was so humiliated by it. Felt so pathetic because of it. Hated myself more than ever. I spiraled out of control, started acting out, talking back to teachers, not listening to my father. Self harming more than ever, taking pills to forget you. Sleeping too much, I was a wreck.