Notes

Life is unfair. like really unfair. I was used yet I can't do anything about it. I have to smile at people who did that because I have a bad anger nd I made it all my mistake when actually it was theirs. I wish they pay for it, no I don't. I just wish they vanish from my life. As if nothing was ever there like we never knew each other. Well, they kind of have. I just don't like that they play the victim . I won't like those things got pinned on me when I wasn't the wrong one. and well none fo the relationship is real anymore. I might try to fake it but I will not be able to for long. Those friends aren't friends who can't talk to u for 10 minutes in your tie of need. they will, however, call u 10 times on your day when u want to be left alone. Funny how things work. It was my mistake too, thought they were not friends but family, speially s, just like a sister i treated her always, in the end not so worth it. Peoplevalue you till you are there, actually there, means your relationships exist til you exist on a physicl level. except for maybe a couple, that's how it is. friends are expendable and easily replaced. everyone gets busy with a new life when places hange and thats what is expected of them it has ever been worth it nor it will ver be to hold onto people you think would be there for you. imean the person who loved, couldnt live without talking to you or atlesta said so now doesn't ahev 10 minutes ot talk to you. Surely tells a rthing or two about him/her. but yea for their reltionships they will make every sacrifice possible, becasu ethat whats matters. instead of wasthing my tie in ollge i should have was===done something prodcutive like preparing fo rcat , i had the time asn th e rescources. It's not that a tough exam and well i could easily have aced it. it woul dhave been worth it. but i made stupid mistakes, I counted on people who shouldn't have been counted upon. it was so wrong. and still today i am seen as the guy who wronged. I should just move away for good. i need to make a change, i need to move from it matters to me what they think about me to it doesnt matter anymore what they think about me.

I have my anger under control, i can work things out. Strangely enough, whta heppend yesterday ws quite the oppposite. Someone wouldnt pick my phone and i'd keep calling. with ever bell that rings i would get irritated that y the person i called cant just pick up. but yestreda no. i wanted the call not to be picked, i wanted to feel abandoned by her. yet she picked, but well as always she was not available to talk . She said she'd message when she returns to chec kif i am awake but she never did as expected. today is strange too, i wish she just forgets that i called, and doesnt call back. she gets busy with college and stuff. however it's my exam tomorrow so i think she might end up calling. That what we are worth, the special days of our lives, which are couple in a year. Even with 10 a year the probaility is less tha once a mothn. But the couples spouse they cabt do w/o a day without talking. surely we invested inth e wrong relatioship.The rihht one to invest in was the actual real relationship. they are hard to get scrwed over in. but well, I moved on from the first one, it's now time to move on from the seconf too. and i soeday if iget a chance it'll be payback day. or maybe just silence is enough of a payback.

Funny isnt it, i loved a gilr, a guy spoiled it for me. then i loved the guys supposed sister, who could sleep with me but didnt want to be my gf. and then i made the girls best fried my sister.could it ever get more fucked up that that. i menthe choice of people wasrally too bD TO do. It's like bad luck u keep choosing the wrong people for the wrong reasons asd then you realsie you wasted hell a lot of time over nothig. When i moved out of colg, i dont have anything in my hands anymore. investing wrong mad eme loose my time
i need to learn to invest in the right things so that i may have something that i can treasure. not just empty hollow people who cant even talk to once in a blue moon life seems like a down low, wher ntothng makes ense, i need to change it once sd for all, i need to do great now, nd i need a companion whos would fele the dame way about it. there aee a lotof people who make such mistakes, maybe we;ll find a similar one, for now i need to strech and get out fo my comfort zone college wil happen i just need ot amke sure oi dont fuk up yhis timr. gym everday, eating healthy and limited entertainment. No skipping eercersie, reading writing everday and lets tget that damn building construction goin gon lets star with a new yea wkth new hopes without ever depending on others,i haveen seen the low lide. now i need to work hard so i sdont have to experience any of this again. but then again whats the point of life if we dont do great things. isnt it/