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i don't know what is wrong with me. idk if its because i find it crazy how a year ago i was so sprung. why does everyone do me like this? why couldn't he just speak up about how i was. that was all i asked for. after all the chances i had given him.. why not just one for me? why is life so unfair. idk if i should still hold on. is it still worth it? I've lost most of my friendships. I'm just so hooked to him. i cant bear to lose him. im still not over that fact. why so easily? why am i doing what i am doing? crying like a maniac when all hes doing is sweet talking another female.. why wasn't i good enough.. why... why is this affecting me so much.. im doing things i swore id never do. im falling so low over someone who doesn't even care about me anymore. i just want to be happy again. but mostly be happy with him. it kills me when he dry messages me. my heart still skips a beat when he messages me. but i hate him. for still having sex with me when he knew he didn't want anything with me. i feel so fucking used by him. i feel disgusted at the fact i also let myself in so easily. why do i love him so much for him to do all of this to me..

Day 389439531749
i felt like total shit sitting where i used to stay hours after school with him. i couldn't even look at him today when he went up to me. i know i need to move on. but its so hard. im stuck on the fact that we could've been together rn. be happy. i wouldn't be going through all the things im going through. it just sucks so much to see him and know you're never going to be able to touch those lips of his. be abelt to lay next to him. talk to him in school. be his number one fan.

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