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Curious case of The Judge:
When someone is dear to us we seem to SEE the person beneath all the superficial "flaws." We just know their CORE. Notice that when you accept someone wholeheartedly their flaws stop registering or you start making excuses on their behalf. Things which might be deal breakers and big turn offs in fresh acquaintances get filed under personality "quirks."The opposite occurs when we reject a person. Its as if they can do no right. Everything they do or say somehow seem impure or motivated. Flipped, we always seem to extend that benefit of doubt to those we hold dear, at least on basic intent level. Their acts or speech pmight fail us and even annoy us but its NEVER attributed to malicious intent. And thats the key. Our family and friend like extended-family are our safe space for that very reason.
Also because they don't make us work for their love. Its not transactional in nature. There's nothing to prove. Its free flowing,un contingent and not held ransom to perfection. Even when they seem to judge us, its LIMITED to a superficial level as a force of habit, depending on where their personality fall on the critical/tolerant index. Its just reflex. After all when our internal critique so dutifully shows up to continually and sadistically remind us of our personal failings in great detail, it would be a stretch to expect it to letup on "others." Actually the outward focus may even be subconsciously invited as a welcome respite from that gleeful inner directed tyrant.
     
 
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