Notes

Why is it when I speak my mind in this house, mom turns it on her and starts yelling. Why is it when I tell her I don't want to tell her how I am feeling (because I don't even know myself, let alone put in into words) does continues pushing until I say the wrong things? She knows I'm scared of her when she's drunk and yells, so why doesn't she fix it? Why is it at the end of the fight, I am the one always blamed? Why do I feel guilty that she never goes out, when I can't even get out of the house when I want to? Why is she upset when I don't spend time with her, especially when I don't even want to spend tie with myself? Why is it I have to turn the conversation to me? Why can't I show how appreciative I am....maybe that will stop the fighting. Why don't I have more motivation to do things, and why doesn't feel like I've accomplished anything in my life? Why do I blame mom so much? Should I blame her for how I feel about her, or it that wrong? Why is it everytime I talk about how I feel, she turns it into a story of herself, and never listens? Why when I call her out on it does she suddenly have a tine where she knows best? Why does she thik she knows best, and why do my opinions in life not matter? If it because I am younger, is it because I have "The perfect life"? Is it because I have never went through the same life events as my mom and therefore make all my stuggles little compaired to hers? And why, out of all the reactions I could ever have to being yelled at and angry do I cry? Why can't I yell back? Why can't I, for once in my goddamn life, actually say what I think. Why do the words never form correctly, why can't I write as fast as I think?