Notes

Hey, baka, sup, ne nyuu, serus, cf, chuubu, probabil am uitat cateva din replicile cu care incepeam noi conversatiile pe net, maybe dumb but full of meaning.
This is my break-up letter to you, where I remember our time together, the good and the bad moments. My regrets and a little insight overall.

A single glance and it all started, that one special day at Nobori. A bunch of random faces but a single glance and I was intrigued by you, mesmerized maybe.
A few months later without any contact and I get the dumbest possible opening message possible from you, but it worked, the second I saw it I was expecting
something to happen already. Going to that concert was really embarassing "date" I ever had, you never kept your distance, personal space was nothing in your
book, your face up close, your smell, your voice, all of them pulled me in, I didn't want to take my eyes of you. You attracted me in a way foreign to me,
completly alien, you wanted me and you obtained me with such ease, all you needed were a few days like it was natural for it to happen. Usually I was the
one who just took whatever he wanted without giving up but this time I was outclassed. Your stubbornes attracted me even more, never taking a step back, that's
what was driving me crazy about you.
Whenever we were exchanging glances in the club, dancing together or talking I felt possesed, I never felt like that. The moment when you said you can do way
better than my ex everything got clear for me, I wanted to kiss you, I wanted to make you mine.

Seeing you the next day was all I wanted to do, to talk to you, to hold your hand to exchange glances, to laugh and to kiss your lips, but sadly you had to
leave for Spain. In those two weeks I think we talked close to non-stop, it felt good, I got to know what you like, what kind of fantasies you have, what kind
of person you are, everything was wonderful but we jumped an important step of our relationship there.

When you came back I was overjoyed, I couldn't wait to meet you again face to face so we can start our relationship.
Time passed and I don't necesarly remember everything we talked or did, but I still remember how it felt like. Playing with the snow on the way to my place,
running after each other like idiots, warming your hands in my pokets, your smile, your scent, the softenss of your skin, my heart beating like crazy, it was
magic, I never knew love could feel like that.

Everything was nice, we enjoyed each other's pressence, talked random stuff, did bad jokes, talked about our fantasies and perverted dreams and sometimes acted
on them, we rushed some things but everything was starting to fall in order after a while, we knew we would get along.

What we never mentioned were our faults, problems and fears to not spoil the dream we were going trough but the past was reaching out to us and the friends around
us started to have an effect on us.

I will always regret intrerupting you, not letting you finish everything you had to say or thinking and saying that problems could've been solved very easy, I was
cocky, arrogant and stupid. The fact that I feel asleep that night when you opened up to me, I can't even explain how much I still regret that, I messed up hardcore
and you got hurt by it, I am sorry. Not to mention that most of the time I couldn't understand some of the problems you were explaining to me, I should've paid more
attention or ask again until I would've understood. Thanks for putting up with me in those times.

But even after fights or breaks(1-2 days, my bad, couldn't let time pass without seeing you), we had our happy and passionate moments which I will never forget.

Our relationship started to be damaged, somewhere along the lines we messed up, I don't know exactly where we stopped talking to each other about what was worrying
and troubling us. We didn't communicate as much as we did before, we ignored each other's requests, issues started to pile up and we started to slowly fall apart.
I was a coward, I didn't want to have any more fights and I just closed my eyes and pretended sometimes that there's nothing to worry about.
I didn't know how to solve our problems, how to handle the situation or how to support you nor did I know how to tell you that, I'm inexperienced, I didn't want to
worry you more bacause of my insecurities and that was a huge mistake. I should've mentioned my problems even if I was exposing them in a poor manner, maybe that
way you would've opened more to me and you wouldn't have struggled so much alone. I was blind or rather I was lying to myself that everything was fine, that it was
just something temporary and it would solve by itself with time, I should've stepped up, pushed us to go to get the help of a psych with our problems but I never
took action. I got mellow with time, I got confortable, lazy and unfocused, my old mentality was missing ('if I'm not gonna do it, then who?' kind
of logic) but I realized that only recently and it was too late.

I came to realize how happy I was when we started going out, how hard my heart was beating whenever I was going to see you and how much more brighter your smile was.

And now that we have fallen apart I've realized how important you were to me, how much I loved you, that I've made you suffer, that I didn't always understand your
problems and that I couldn't make you happy. I was a fool to take you for granted.

What hurts the most is that I will miss loving you, waking up next to you or feeling your touch and that someone else will actually make you happier than you ever
were with me (it's actually a good thing, but it hurts knowing it).

Time passed and I didn't cherish you enough, I didn't realize how fragile our happines was and I messed up, for that I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.

I love you and I hope you'll be happy.