Notes

Even now when i should hate her i dont, now when i have a reason to post pictures, even now after having my parents house raided, me arrested and held all weekend, having to go through that fiasco at court, now i have a reason to post pictures, and i wouldnt care, i`d do it on facebook, but i dont, even now i am still trying to protect her, protect her from having to stand up in court and be shown those pictures, even now if she asked me to plead guilty, to save her from having to go through it again and again, i would, i dont care what the court thinks, i only care what nicola thinks, i cannot ever admit that i did it on purpose but if it protected her i would plead guilty. And even after all that my heart still races at hearing her voice, it still races at catching a fleeting glimpse of her, to be in the same building, to be so close to her, the only thing i have left in this world is the feeling i had when i was with her, waking up in bed next to her, holding her hand, hugging her and not wanting to let go, the way she looked at me, the only thing i have left is the knowledge of how much i loved her, of how much i still love her, please dont take that away from me, if she wants me to suffer then believe me i am, every min of everyday it aches, a constant pain in a life without her, the agony that follows me because i didnt protect her from heart break, like i promised i would. No matter what happens at court it wont be the end for me, my suffering will continue, i hope it brings her some comfort. I know that right now i am just a distant bad dream to her, that she will move on and meet someone else, its maybe already happened, whoever it is it will be a lucky man, she is and always will be the most beautiful, the most amazing woman i have ever seen, she is my heart and soul, she will always be my better half