Notes

I don't know how to deal with all the shit going on in my head lately, or how to properly express just what it is I think and feel about people. I've tried to talk to John from college about my dilemma but it's been made abundantly clear that talking to him about it isn't going to get me anywhere. No offence to him but he doesn't seem to fully understand just what it is that's troubling me and I don't know if I will be able to make it clear. I've started doing some things to try and cope, starting this journal is one of them. The other is taking walks. Today I decided to walk the path that goes from the back of Asda to the farm where Ellie keeps the horses. I remember walking down there with her back when I went up the the farm a couple times. It's the only place I know of where you can just start walking and not stop for a solid hour and a half in one direction. And there are hardly any people there so it provides me with a sort of solitude. I can be alone and just think about everything, reminisce about when I went there with her.

I don't know where to even begin to explain what it is I feel about Ellie and people in general so I guess the best way to write it down is to start at the beginning