Notes

It was a peaceful day at the map of Lumberyard, the Heavy was sitting in his favourite spot on the log suspended over the cliff, his thoughts of sandwiches were interrupted by the Scout sliding up and proclaiming; “Fat bastard!” The Heavy was deeply offended and hit the Scout with a left uppercut to the chin, unbeknownst to the Heavy the Scout was not actually referring to him, rather the character from the movie Austin Powers. Unfortunately the Heavy will never know of his mistake as the Scout plummeted down the cliff to his doom.
“Shame” muttered the mistaken yet satisfied Heavy.
“Buildin’ a sentry!” came a recognisable shout which instantly got the Heavy’s attention
Meanwhile Miss Pauling was expertly playing a game on her device with the decapitated Heavy catching every sandwich and dodging every blade from the enemy Spy, however the game cheated with the Spy flinging a knife in every direction costing both lives the Heavy had. The Spy’s cruel laughter taunting her along with the words GAME OVER on the screen.
Miss Pauling stared at the device in bewilderment at first, before scowling at it and claiming “I hate you!” not even noticing the dancing Saxton Hale in the background.
The Engineer who was sitting next to Miss Pauling along with his toolbox and fire extinguisher was soon bombarded by the Heavy, “Engineer!” he demanded, before gravity proceeded to take effect and he plummeted to the ground, he looked away from the Heavy, lying in a crumpled heap to the suspicious cow that was watching him, only to be confronted by the Heavy who had managed to get up and walk over there in less than half a second.
“What?” proclaimed the bewildered Engineer.
“Poot Dispenser here!” demanded the Heavy
The Engineer briefly looked down at the corpse of the Scout that the Heavy had punched down, would he suffer a similar fate if he refused? His thoughts were interrupted by a Blu Spy snorting and dragging the Scout away, possibly to preform cannibalism, necrophilia, necromancy, or perhaps all three at once.
He looked back at the Heavy “Nope” he said defiantly, unaware of the Blu Spy creeping out from behind a bunch of logs.
“Yes!” demanded the persistent Heavy who also did not notice the Spy, despite the fact he was not disguised, nor invisible.
“No” said the Engineer, the Spy of which was directly behind the Engineer brandishing ‘Your Eternal Reward’
“Yes” repeated the Heavy
“No” said the Blu Spy disguised as the Engineer, but failing to mimic the Texan’s voice prompted the recognition as a Spy to both Miss Pauling and the Heavy.
After a brief hesitation the Heavy shouted “A sp-” but he was interrupted by the spy cracking a wrench against the Heavy’s jaw, the Spy swiftly proceeded to hammer on bits of metal onto the Heavy, and with one final swing, imprisoned the Heavy in a claustrophobic prison, the very dispenser that he had selfishly demanded from the late Engineer.
“Ha!” proclaimed the Spy in the Engineers voice he had just managed to perfect, before removing the mask that disguised him.
Miss Pauling proceeded to hold a revolver up to the Spy’s head, despite the fact she worked for both teams, could it be that her anger for the Blu Spy in her hated game had pushed her to do such actions?
“Say goodnight!” she boldly uttered to the Spy
“Goodnight” said the Spy, before his duplicate wacked the traitor Miss Pauling over the head with an aluminium bat.
“Bullsh*t” said Miss Pauling before her instinctual chameleon reflex kicked in and she shapeshifted into a television, which the cackling Spy snatched up before it fell to the ground.
Nearby the Red Soldier was opening several thousand Mann Co™ crates to get to the precious loot inside “yeah” he said, wearing his new cat-in-the-hat-hat.
“Soldier” said the Spy in an oddly pitiful voice “Your hat for this, Miss Pauling” he said, brandishing the TV, whom after a short burst of static revealed Miss Pauling in front of a white background, “Drugs” she happily proclaimed, her hand sticking out to reveal a worn down Medipill™ canister which is commonly used to smuggle cocaine.
The Soldier gasped at the opportunity of cocaine and quickly grabbed the TV “mine!” he claimed.
“Hat, please” said the Spy
“No!” said the Soldier, he had only just got this hat and was damned if he was going to let it go now.
“Come on” said the Spy “You live in my suit!”
It was true, just two weeks ago the Spy had rented his hidden pocket in his coat to the Soldier, who said, quite loudly “Man, I wish Merasmus was around to see this crap!” he was then hit over the head by a staff. “Fool, I am here!” said Merasmus from above him, he proceeded to point the finger in Soldier’s general direction, almost poking himself in the eye in the process.
The Spy proceded to snort away with Soldier’s hat, leaving him standing with Miss Pauling the TV, who shouted “Get that mother f*cker!”
Meanwhile the Red Sniper was asleep behind the wheel of his beloved camper van. The Spy pulled the unconscious sniper out of his vehicle “Apologies” said the Spy, “piss” said the Sniper in frustration.
The Spy entered the vehicle and pulled away laughing, however Soldier had grabbed onto the ladder at the back of the campervan and climbed up, when he reached the top he encountered a drunken Demoman who proclaimed “No ticket, no ride!” and smashed his bottle over the Soldier’s head, causing him to fall off the ladder.
The Soldier quickly regained consciousness and glanced at a telephone machine, he examined it and noticed, written on it ‘SCREAM LOUD! TO GET HELP’ the Soldier chuckled and proceeded to scream like a banshee at the phone. “Oh what’s up?” said the phone “need help!” said Soldier, “NO!” said the phone and proceeded to laugh in the soldiers face, Soldier wasn’t going to stand there and take it, especially not in front of Merasmus who was looking at him through the window, he held up a shotgun to the phone which screamed rather high-pitched, “alright, alright!” said the phone.
A box labelled ‘Gold Medal Dynam!te appeared, “what?” said the soldier in confusion, an Engineer stuck his head out of the box, simply saying “dynamite!” and the box exploded, launching the Soldier in the air, screaming.
The soldier landed near a Medic examining the Miss Pauling TV “F*ck!” exclaimed the Soldier in pain, he stood up and noticed the Medic “Doctor, I need-” “ssh” said the Medic “this is fascinating!”
“Enemy intelligence” said Miss Pauling, her hand sticking out of the TV with a checklist labled classified, “ooh, papers!” said the Medic before the Soldier slapped him on the back of his head “Help me-” “NO!” said the Medic who closed a door which was not attached to any walls in the Soldier’s face “Shweinehund” proclaimed the Medic. The Soldier hesitated briefly, before saying to himself “to get Spy, I will think like Spy” before sitting in a chair with a glass of champagne and a background of baguettes and Eiffel Towers with the French flag fluttering which was quickly interrupted by the Soldier shouting “HA!” he happened to look down to see the campervan “oh there he is!”
He lifted up his rocket launcher and proclaimed “Kaboom!” and fired, the rocket flew straight and hit the camper van’s tire, merely popping it when far more chaotic responses would be appropriate.
“F*ck!” shouted the Spy, he looked up and saw a Pyro playing with rubber ducks, and he was headed straight for him, The Pyro saw the van and screamed “NO!” shouted the Spy everyone was screaming, except Demoman who had fallen asleep despite the commotion, the campervan crashed into the Pyro, most likely killing her.
The Sniper looked in horror at his ruined campervan “NO!” he shouted before screaming.
The Soldier walked up to the Spy and picked up his hat, “This is mine now, good” he said “you suck” said the Spy, giving the Soldier the finger, the soldier pulled out a pistol and shot the offending finger off.
The Spy deadringered behind the Soldier and stabbed him in the back, but the soldier also had a dead ringer and shot the Spy in the head, but the spy dead ringered again and stabbed the Soldier in the back again, and then the Soldier dead ringered, this continued until the Demoman woke up and proclaimed “F*ck heads!” and unplugged a plug near him. When he did this, Garry’s Mod shut down and the animation corrupted leaving the Demoman, Spy and Soldier floating in blackness with a few buildings and a train floating behind them “Fine job” said Spy sarcastically to the Demo. Just then a dispenser floated by “HELP ME” it said in the Heavy’s voice, who was still trapped inside “Very bad!”
Merasmus floated by “Welcome- to your doom!” he said.
The End!