Notes

Its difficult to go through life, not knowing what is to come, or how it will come. I've been making decisions that would affect my future since i was 10 years old, i'm getting really tired of making decisions, its getting very hard for me. The decisions are getting more difficult and complex as i get older. Recently we've had some issues with our relationship, some my fault, some yours, but that's not why we are where we are. Being with you was genuine, i knew how you felt about me, i could feel it; and even though i knew that i never put myself in the position to feel the same way, BUT, that doesn't mean i don't. Its hard for me to love, i've been messed up so many times, opened up to people that didn't deserve it, all to have it thrown away. I only ever want what's best for you, i didn't ask you to go to florida, and i really didn't want you to. I knew that this would happen again, and i would start feeling guilty, and unsure of myself. i hate seeing you hurt, because of my actions, i hate seeing anyone hurt because of what i've done. You don't deserve it, the way i tell you i miss you, then tell you i want you back.. After i just told you it wasn't working, and we don't belong together. I make assumptions often, as you do, i've had to read people my whole life, because no one is straight with me. I assumed that you only felt the way you do about me because of the way you were treated in your past, maybe the first guy that shows you any essence of love, or genuine respect, you would get attached to; but who am i to assume, as i've done this with many relationships, i guess that's the way its supposed to be, loving someone who treats you and cares for you the same way as you care for them. All that was lacking on my end was the realization that i DO in fact have feelings for this girl, i just don't know how to put them in words. Ashley i do very much care about you, and i do love you, you just have to understand how hard it is (which i'm positive you do) to let yourself go, and not worry about what can come in the future. I think about you every day, i miss seeing you in the mornings, and eating breakfast together, going to the parks and walking together, even though we didn't do that very often, it was still very nice when we did... I do what i do, because i just want to see you happy, and i didn't think that not being with you would affect me the way it has. I see what you write on social media, and it hurts me because its not true, and you should know that i would never purposely try and hurt you, you are good enough for me, and you are a very strong woman, and can do anything if you put your mind to it.

That's all i really have to say, you deserve to be happy, whether its with me or not.
Love, chris