Notes

today was a perfect day, i guess after few years even i will be old and reading this i would totally agree with myslef, becuase i saw a perfect rain today i ve been at work that i dreamt all my life doing favourite stuff and writing this report while being high it was just a dream day. being in europe and enjoing the life here which were considered perfect at sope point of my life and witnessing it and realizing that this exact moment is perfect and fresh as experienceing as a kid and being totally safe. Perfect timing of all the weather and mood and environtment. My job is actullay not difficult not that complicated but related to complicated machinery.
The fact that i have a job and i am as kid pretending to be an adult and doing what adult person would do and doing it safe in real world is such thing kids reamd of whole life but in fact it is fun and exciting and kinda what i wanted. i am not earning big money but what i love about the job is not money is being a person being me and people pay money for that and not that bad money and it is enough to enjoy some staff and eat and smoke weed so why need more when i am complitely satisfied what the point of working and learning more when i already feel happy careless and free this is my super comfort zone where i am just chilling. this journey is turning more vivid and clear that defines my true nature and what i achieved and being compeletely satisfied and learn stuff that what makes me even more willing to learn more. I am learning german my own way but is not developing as fast but i am concentrated on other things like finding a place foe my futureself. it will be 1 month soon and time is rushing fast but I hope i can stop the breath and keep to slow it down and think about it. Next year for me the biggest problem, or concearn of my life so i am ready enough and will get what i want, and i am still vergin now and want my first time so bad but doing nothing for that. for me finding a person is really important and just feeling her is seems great feeling. but thoughts are ruined when i think about money and that thing actually is what is required to elongate the moment. That really makes mo not me and seeking a source of money is the least intresting part and i want a job that fits in my interests and think what money would allow me to do more not actually the feeling of enjoing of having them. I hate nature of stress from my motherland and that makes my bored and sad and dream about pleces where i could be happy and imagine what would i do if i had certain amount of money and resources. then just daydreaming and waitinf for it for a long time to happen and not really enjoing it and enjoing it when i am asleep and considering as sleeping time is the only leasure time which is window that allows me to see it soon enough even experience it in the dream. communication to people is like something itchi in my head says i have obligating to do some communication that is predictable and going in the flow that i expect and continue throug it and feeling satissfied with the result. Other time which were not wasted tried to rescue it through learning some stuff which will help me to keep at certain flow i am like floating baloon and what i doo is waiting certain currents of wind will blew and i am cantching it and drifting with warm winds od there are also some cold winds that carries the path to some uncertain dirrection which is new and unknown and could be the god telling you to learn and reflect to it and take some thoughts about it and make further decisions based on it to repeat and not to repeat the same experience to know more wheather it is worth of taking a shot?! after some enexpected situations i ve got new experience and i learn more and waiting for another chance of experiencing of other unknowns and reacing the point when you have to say goodbye and feeling very last moment of breath and having only last time seeing it and remain unified that is the point of existance and we are all collectioners of certain events and spent whole life collecting them and deciding weather to have them again or not. soetimes unexpected gives us more becuase it is new and new is always a gift if a destiny or life or god who or what is favourite or gretaful or prove of creation and being thanks to him or being the someone sho is seeking for it but in fact missing the main and being someone who is not feeling but waiting and waiting but lifing sometimes but not often and rarely in fact justifing that this is the true existance. Being honest is being who you are and accepting all the good and there is no bad in you you are who you are and what you feel is real and it is awesome. just take everything is simple and if you felt it is good then be there and be happy. it is that just simple and no need creating yourself new problems because time will go and finaly you will as yourself why but you will see that through it you were looking a happines to yourself and that was your tool and that shaped you that way so dont blame yourslef you were looking for it now you see it just take it and feel and live and that is life but there is a taxes you should pay and everyone goes through it. that is the eternal way of keeping things true if there is deviation in the world that we know then it is not like that anymore and it goes and findes it is own infinity but ends up to be the same and that reapeats to any king of deviations and you will see that what and anything you will change the end is the same and everyone is just unifies to one big greatness. so any particle is gods creatin just to live the same life the same way but in the ends as one life has so many lifes and and life from life something remains but someting changes and in the end it achives the same result and saying in this life i wouldnt change anything and being who you are and enjoing being that person with that history and any shots were worthwhile tking them and being right now righ here is a great privalage. so any human being deserves this feeling with less violence and it is like ring ifinity violence create more violence but in the end it also creates peace and evil for good and evil remains evil but no good for evil but in fact definition of evil and good blures and in fact that was nothing that words to it. what sums up is what you feeled after that and reling on that feeling and purety of it making a desigin wheather that was good or evil. but being happy means being a hollow and it is like being not the event that filled your happines it is simpler than that it is just being and it is our heaven. no one could say your life is full of evil and good but in the end everything just unites and that is it.