Notes

journal
hello, my name is tia and im going to tell you why i hate life & why i want to end it. i grew up in foster care i was givin up when i was three months old. i had been placed in different homes and i got a very emotional connection to each family. i was a baby born without knowing anything about herself. yes i know people go threw the same process as i or even worse. after that i was placed in a new home my permant home. i arrived at the age of three and got adopted at four. i was happy at first then some thing in me changed. i felt a cloud of sadness rain over me after a sertin period of time. i tried so hard to try and make this unfortunate feeling go away, the more i forced it to go away the worse it got. when i thought things couldnt possibly get worse they did at the age of three i was in therapy and every time someone would raise there voice at me i would break down crying. i felt as if i had no control of my emotions. couple years later all i know is im finally five and i went on my first ever trip to ghana with my mom and brother shawn. when we got there i was happy until a very frightening incounter with a women that was so called my "aunt" i remember that day so well. all started when shawn wanted to act up so he slept with our mother and i had spent that night with her my Aunt all i know is i feel her hand caress me in places where i was very uncomfortable. as i turn to her she forces a kiss onto me. when i tried to move or to poush away i couldnt, a small girl like me tryimg to get away from her was inevitable. all i know is i was so scared this had never happened to me before. i layed there and took it i felt in that moment dead. no words or sound came out of my mouth. in that moment i remembered my mom always told me to pray and god will answer my prayers. his angels was all around us so i started praying for his help.for something anything anyone to help me. nothing no one came to my rescue. im screaming help!! in my head i was so scared to move speak or to even make a sound. she is just feeling me kissing me and making me touch her. i never thought in a million years something like that could happen. a girl at my age should be thinking about puppes princesses cartoons candy sweet shit but no i was worried about my sexuality and who can i trust cause i lost faith in everyone that was around me. nothing was the same after that. so after that experience the next year or two i went back with my mom and brother we was in the house next door which i love so much because i thought i was never gonna see that bitch again. i was horribly wrong some days pasted and she has came to the house with gifts she gave shawn his and he ran off to play with his gift.i felt a wave of fear holding me as mt brother left me there it was me and her again all i could fear is her breath on my neck and her hands on my shoulder rubbing me and giving me a gift. i got up so fast and ran off like i should have done the first time.