Notes

I don't care anymore. I lost it all and I will never be able to retract the deeds I have committed. Though what transpired was only partially my fault. They knew what they were doing to me. They knew my issues, my problems and they laughed. They laughed at me like I was nothing more than a mere ghost. And in a way I was. A ghost of my former self, the merriment and vitality were slowly drained. I was no more than a lifeless husk at that point. All I felt was contempt and disgust for those around me. I no longer concerned myself with the well-being of others. The deeds were justified in some sense, though maybe not to the extent in which I committed these crimes. They just kept pushing and pushing and pushing until I couldn't take it anymore. I lost control. No, I willingly gave in. I wanted it to happen. I wanted to eviscerate those who tormented me, who caused me more suffering than they could have envisioned. I wanted to witness the spatter of their blood on the pristine white walls, the terror that appeared upon their faces as they recognized the instruments I held. I wanted to hear the squealing of those worthless pigs. They deserved no sympathy, they deserved no mercy, they deserved only agony and suffering to the extent of which they imposed upon me. When I eventually finished my “relaxation” I just sat in the reservoir of blood and intestines and awaited the law enforcement, I knew the torment I had wrought and I embraced the consequences of those said actions. I was flung into the police car, the sirens wailing, I was escorted to a poorly lit, dreary room with nothing more than two chairs and a table. The men yelled and screamed at me, I continued to sit in complete silence. I would not give them the satisfaction of breaking me. After 4 hours and 7 separate officers destroying their throats to no avail, I still refused to utter a single word. They gave in. I was then placed into a solitary holding cell. Nobody was coming to save me, my family never loved me and I never loved them. I was to rot away in a prison cell for the rest of my miserable life and I believed this was satisfactory. I was content with what my life was to become.