Notes

Hi, Jene here. i am 20 years old, and i'm currently dating someone a decade older than me. let's just call him Tiny.

It was never love at first sight for the two of us. In fact, I find the guy very off putting. Since our very first interactions, deep down I have ingrained in my hippocampus that he would be the last person I would ever date. No shot at all of we being together, Nada, Nil. Not exaggerating here.

A little backstory
So what is it about this person that irks me so much? Well, my friends have been warning me about his flirtatious antics towards girls. This is a quality in men that I utterly despise to the core of the earth.
On top of that, he dresses weird too! I later found out that he works as a tech person. Ah, it figures.
Tiny to me is an old, weird-looking playa. To put it simply, he wasn't my type.
Little did I know that I would end up dating him a year later. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't blinded by lust or anything. What drew me towards him was his impeccably absurd sense of humor, which we both have in common by the way. Then we had our long nights just talking to each other. It was hella awkward at first, but the conversation just flowed as I grew more and more comfortable towards him.
It became effortless to spend numerous late nights with Tiny, but I was still in denial of my feelings. Not being a person of commitment, I shy away from long term relationships in fear that they will bound me from my freedom.

Long story short, BOOM. we dated.

When we first dated, there were a lot of doubts running through my mind, but I was blinded by the infatuation this new relationship brought me. The first few months were tough on the both of us, but mostly Tiny. We fought a lot, a couple times on a weekly basis I should add. Every single argument we had ended up with me wanting to end things with him. I had to look back and reflect, some of those arguments were not even worth fighting for. What can I say, I am a commitment phobe after all. That's just my excuse.
I kept thinking that maybe this just wasn't for me, maybe I was too young yada yada.
I'm overly sensitive when it comes to my boyfriend, all other aspects of my life I couldn't care less about. I don't even know why, It's like I wanted zero mistakes out of this.
But I came to a conclusion that after all this time I have actually experienced amazing things with Tiny. through all the shit, there were rainbows.
I was head over heels, madly in love with this person.
Although very often, my impulsiveness led me to call it quits.
But regardless, he held on to me.

Thank you for being patient, and I'm sorry to have caused so much mischief in your life.
Even if we don't end up together later on in life, just know that I 'll never forget the person that made me feel again.
I love you, so much that I'm willing to let you go and be a happier human without me.
I've rethought our relationship, It was beautiful but also toxic at the same time.
Anyways, I have said what I wanted to say.
so now I'm letting you make the decision.
Where do we go from here?