Notes

I'm sorry amy :( I'm trying really hard i promise :( i know it doesn't seem like it but i am. please don't give up on us or me. i do want you to be happy as well as myself. i just have so much pressure from everyone and it's just getting to me. I'm so extremely sorry and i love you so much and I'm sorry that I've been this way. i just really need my best friend and I'm just scared and everything. i don't know :( i really do care about you though. recently, I've been haering and seeing all these bad examples of people and I'm trying not to be like them so hard. so please don't give up on me :( i do care about you and i swear that i do. just so much is going on and just there's just so much stuff and I'm so scared :( i also know for a definite fact that i dont want to lose you. you mean so extremely much to me i dont know how to even put it in words. I'm so really sorry and please dont leave me or something. I'm trying so hard or don't give up on me :( anyways idek what the point of this was. i just know that i feel horrible and i know that you tried. i should've worded what i said better and idk. I'm just so sorry and you know that. you know me better than anyone. you're my best friend. i just hope you know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that i keep upsetting you and all of that. please understand where I'm coming from and don't think that I'm a jerk. I'm trying my best to do everything and nothing's even working. so I'm sorry that you're going to wake up to this enormous thing or whatever. i don't know. i just feel so guilty so yeah :( i hope that my random ranting kind of helped out a little bit. i do love you, don't forget that. just there is so much :( please don't hate me. I'm still that little, happy, insecure kid you met a year and a half ago. still that kind, sweet, little boy that used to make you laugh and smile almost every day. he's somewhere inside of me so please don't give up. i know he is :( you mean a lot to me. anyways. i didn't give you a good goodnight so uh i hope you wake up happy and ready to deal with your long day. i kinda hope this message relieves any anger or frustration you dealt with last night. and i sure hope you read this in the morning and don't feel idk mad or anything during church. you're my best friend and i want you to be happy. idk how to end this now. uhh just know that i really do want to have a fun time with you and that i really care and i want my bestie to be happy and I'm trying really hard to do so :( so uh in conclusion, i love you, and i hope you slept well. don't think of me negatively. like uh i spent like 10 to 15 minutes writing this so i guess that kinda proves i care? idk I still feel super guilty but yeah...this is just my mind literally just wandering. anyways I'm really sorry :( please forgive me. i love you. I'm just now reading over this and it's really long so uh...im sorry...but uh don't interpret this as something bad or clingy. or that you have like a negative impact on me cause you don't. idk, like a message just trying to say that i care about you and i feel horrible for how i acted earlier. if this is idk too intense or something, just I've had a long day so my judgement and everything is so impaired, so please, please, please, please don't judge me. I just want ot make things right and in my sleep deprived state, this message doesn't seem ike a bad option. :/ this might be the longest apology I've ever sent...here take a hug (hug)