Notes

when will I ever belong to a home

I have two countries i call home
one that i carry it’s name
it’s color
it’s smell
it’s beautiful music
it’s traditions and culture
but it’s a country that feels unfamiliar to me
a country that I never know or recognize it’s streets
a country that looks at me in a different way
that refers to me as an expatriate
that carries the people i call “family” who I consistently have to say goodbye to
that “family”
who I never attended their happy times
who I never embraced them in at their difficult times
who I never forget their smiles whenever i come and the tears they shed whenever I go
I send my love to that country
I send every smile i smiled away from you
and I take away every tear i shed on your ground

Then there’s another country I call home
One that carry’s my memories
my soul
the people I love
that marks of footsteps
one that i recognize it’s streets by heart
that it’s language is always on the tip of my tongue
that welcomed me with open arms from the second I was born
but it’s also a country that looks at me differently
a country that refers to me an expatriate as well
a country that only embraces a part of my “family”
a country that treats me differently because I don’t carry it’s nationality
but also, it’s a country that will always own my heart
I leave myself to this country
my most beautiful memories
my marks
and I take every feeling of being loved, away with me

I have two countries I call home,
two countries that makes me feel happy whenever I step a foot in them
and that tears my heart from sadness whenever I take that foot away from them
two countries that carry’s the whispers of my prayers
yet two countries that carry’s the pain behind my tears
in the end, I still ask myself,
when will I ever belong to a “home” ?.