Notes

Dear Diary wait wait wait hold up thats not how im going to start this......Theres this boy..... now i dont mean it like ohh yaeh and hes so cute but he wont talk to me and im nervous to talk to him... well some of those things i hope will always happen like he will never talk to me and if he does i will run away and scream and i am never ever going to talk to him, but the other stuff like hes so cute is so not true if any one has a crush on him they must be blind or theyre being paid to say that. i dont even like looking at him but i always catch myself starign to help prove to myself i dont like him or that hes too ugly and that im just imagining things i really dont like him and its makes it worse that he lives on my street when i took the time to walk reagan home and say good bye but she mustve accidentally knocked my chain off of my bike so i decided to glide home and use my foot to push myself and when i was passing this house it had a trailer and a big tree on it with a little forklift attached behind it so im like " whats happening here?" but in my mind and then i hear the dude i utterly hate so much and i look at him briefly and then i quickly look down at my feet and hope he doesnt notices me but what would he do if he did but hope he doesnt know i possibly live down his street and start gliding home as fast as i can now thinking if i wouldve fixed my chain at reagens i probaby coulve avoided this whole dissaster and now it hauts me to think that i drive past his house almost every day of the week and that i have to bike past that place to get to jess and reagans. I keep thinkong of reasons why he woild be there and not love there like what if hes just visiting his mom and helping remove or plant a tree maybe thats his job to remove or replace trees or maybe hes helping his dad with the tree removing but i really hate the guy. today in gym when i saw him i wuickly looked away and never looked again in his direction until i caught myself staring later thankfully hannah brought me back from hell and asked if i was still playing volleyball cause i had just left to play jumprope. I had a dream some time agao and its a bit blurry now but i know this really happened but i dreampt that some guy had touched me withoiut my consent and i know i wont up and convinced myself its a dream now i dont rememenber who touchedme just somebody a male did it and i think that he did it because why else woould i hate him soo much? becuase he stares at me sometimes or at least the first time i saw him?