Notes

“Mom, I don’t feel well, I’m a bit uneasy and I can barely see anything. Everything is blurry. What happened?” My mother started to weep and it continuously grew louder and louder. I kept asking her what went wrong and why she made all these sorrowful faces at me. She never responded and it was like I wasn’t even there.I saw her faintly lay her hand on my forehead and lean over. She whispered in my ear, “ Why are you still here dragging me along?  Please, wake up already.” I felt her lips gently press against my left cheek and saw her go out of the room as my vision faded away. I saw a crowd of people gather around me when my vision went entirely pitch black. I could sort of feel a heaviness that once laid upon me, leave my body. I was asleep, but not entirely, I was feeling my way through the darkness. I knew it was all a dream, and when I could finally wake-up, I would be at home easily resting on my sofa right next to the window overlooking the city. This though, did not seem to be my case. I was just wandering around blindly, I soon hoped to see light, I did not know what was happening. I was weightless, I felt as if I was floating, chilling breezes brushed against my whole body. I started to hear voices as I got deeper into the endless maze of the dark. As I got closer to the voices I saw a light, in thehe corner on top of the washing machines was my cat, Dani. I remember his fiery attitude, his strong purr, and the consistent chocolate stains spread across his entire body like it was yesterday. But, when was yesterday? I feel as though the place I stood in didn’t have time, only memories- stories of the past. I felt as though I was part of the past, I felt as though I could have become something of greater value, but I surcame to only the things I already had and looked only upon those limits. Upon contemplating this, many memories flashed. I saw through the hole in the wall the universe. Things that
were done and yet to come. I felt in sync with mother nature and  I saw the never ending combination of stars and milky-ways. The darkness showed me light. Light in which the blind wise men could see. Light that told unsolved mysteries of generations  light I saw my very first memory. A memory I held so dear in my heart of someone I loved so much but flew away so fast like dust scattered in the wind. This vivid memory was surrounded by darkness, It was like a big hole in the wall and I was peeking through, like a closet even. This happened with most of my memories, but my very first memory was of my hands, my hands held high in the air counting my fingers one by one, my grandmother on the other side laughing and smiling a big smile telling me I was doing fantastic. The memory quickly  faded away and along came another memory, the small garage we had back in our old house. In the garage I remember seeing my father’s antique cars and in tpast. Light that revealed my innermost desires. Light that showed the most happiest moments of my life. More visions passed, I saw my whole family tree, the mothers of my fathers and the sisters and brothers of my grandparents. I saw not only how they died, but the last few words they said before taking their last breath. My grandmother said     “Yo siempre te tuve,” to my mother half-way across the world over the phone because of simply never having enough money to go and help her. The emotional struggle my mother went through made what was left of my weightless body deteriorate. I transformed into the shedded tears leaked by my mother’s eyes. I felt as if I was In a nightmare where I was just continuously falling. Without nothing to catch me, I drowned along with the rest of the tears shed. In the watery grave, I saw yet another memory, and possibly my last. I have suffered enough, and begged the darkness and the light to not show me anymore. They insisted on just showing me one more. Through the hole, I saw myself. I saw the sink covered in blood, and bottles of Tramadol on the side next to the soap. I looked down at my feet and saw blood trickling down my pants and shirt. I saw myself cut deep into my arms in vertical slashes and saw the blood spewing out as I quickly went into the bathtub, lay there, and die. Three hours later, I was found by my parents and rushed to the hospital. I was in the hospital for over a year and I saw my mother drop those god forsaken tears again on the doctor’s note. On the document It had listed on what she wished to do with my vegetable self. She had the choice of cutting off my life support or letting me live, but be basically disabled for the rest of my life. What I heard her whisper through my sore heart hurt me so bad.” She clearly wanted to die, I might as well give her what she wanted.” I saw her cry those tears again and slowly fill out the box with a checkmark agreeing to cut off my life support. I asked darkness why I did what I did, and it explained. Light stayed silenced by darkness. Light went away and soon all I saw was darkness again. Darkness grabbed my hands and told me nothing would hurt anymore as much as the memory of that day would. Darkness told me he would erase that memory from my mind, and every other melancholy, dehumanizing memory as long as I stayed by its side, forever. I agreed, and now I blindly walk along-side darkness and those who fell to the same doom of having a heaviness on their mind  uplifted, forevermore.