Notes

today he really showed me where i stand with him i mean he's done really fucked up things to me but for some reason today i was really hurt rather than angry. maybe it was just all the anger and pain i hold inside and i finally let it all out. i didn't mean to hit him but i was so angry that he was not taking my side. i didn't feel like i did anything wrong i mean whats wrong with saying something back to someone that told you something right? i was just minding my buisness telling him that i want to watch a movie and then it all went down hill from there. he has hurt me so much in the past sometimes i think about it and it gets me so mad. i know he texted his ex before and at the same time he was texting me and texting leslie telling her how smart she is and inviting her to half moon bay i couldn't believe he did that because literally the day before he got drunk and slapped me so hard my face was red and stinging for awhile. he tells me to my face that he wants to have sex with my friends and wants other girls. he refers to me as all of these bad names to his family friends i know he flirts with other girls when he's not with me my "friends" tell me and it's so embarassing. i honestly tried i don't even know why i put up with so much myself. i know i deserve better nobody deserves to get lied too cheated and disrespected. he wants to play the victim because i hit him. he has kicked me and knocked the air out of me he has pulled my hair out he has left me scrapes from dragging me he has left me bruises on my body he has thrown things on he has spit on my face i was pregnant and he still did these things. every time we have broken up i have to find a new home for me and my babys its so embarrasing and i hate it! i have slept on floors with cocaroaches crawling on us i have had days where we did not have food we've had to walk long distances to just have a place to sleep. this is not the life i pictured for myself let along my kids i would of never thought i would be this girl. and still i try to do anything just to make him happy. how stupid can i be i can't believe how stupid i am he does not care about me at all and i know he does not love me for a fact! i wanted to make a life with him i wanted to have a future with him i mean i forgave him for things i shouldn't have and he never changed so as anybody would i got tired of it and starting doing things he did to me back to him. i started cussing him out back i started throwing stuff at him back and now i hit him. i don't think any guy should ever put they're hands on any girl in any type of way and he choked me and threw me on the couch so i reacted and hit him in the face. iv'e been through so much in this relationship it's not even worth it cause in the end he's still treats me like if i'm worthless.