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i got drunk and high last night it was crazy as hel and then i had a panic attack i couldnt stop crying for an hour straight then i passed out/puked and shit then i grabbed my friends phone when i was getting a ride from my mom and everything just went fucking down like they were telling me how i was a fake friend and im messed up in the head and i got really upset and i flushed all my blades down the toilet yesterday so i couldnt hurt myself anymorw and there was nothing exceot for kitchen nknives and i was too much of a pussyto use that and so i just scratched my skin like my legs and my arms and the skin peeled off it was so gross it looked like i scraped my whole right leg and left arm and then i went to the doctors to find out if i had celiac and it turned out negative and they asked if i was doing drugs/marijuana and i said once bc my mom was there but ive done it actually so many times i forgot and i knew my mom was pissed at me because of it and then my doctor prescribed me medication for my thyroid problems??? and my depressian and anxiety my doctor asked me if i had a plan of killing myself and i almost said yes but i didnt because then i would be on suicide watch and have like no privacy at all so i said no and then i went in my moms car and she yelled at me about how im sucking up all her money and wasting my life doing drugs and shit and then i had to get a blood test again so we did that and i swear i was so not ready i almostp uked while waiting and this bitch from school was here too and she kept looking at me then looking away and smirking and i felt so bad like i wanted to fucking dieit hurt so bad and then i got the blood test done and i just went home and i can find like literally 5 more blades in my dads garage all i have to do is get it and i swear to fucking god i was so close 4 hours ago i grabbed scissors to my fucking neck and i was so ready to kill myself right there i was crying and then my mom called to say we were going to the doctors so i had to get ready and yeah im sorry thias is a big waste of time

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