Notes

Dear Natalia,

The opportunity to be able to help you help yourself is thank you enough for me. I do not need to know someone to care.

My intuition whispered to me about your person not being aware of the existence of the letter.

Thinking about this possibility, I made the comment about my hopes that you had been successful in accessing my words because I felt that you would come to check if you missed something.

We can not always do what we love when we want to do it. But the only real impediment to loving—as long as the activity does not detract from our peace of mind—what we are doing is ourselves.

If there is chaos inside us, it is a way for the body to call our attention to something that we are not seeing, but that demands our maximum attention.

In silence, the body speaks, Natalia.
Please, pause this letter.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply.
Feel the air come in and leave your lungs.
Feel every part of your body.
Allow yourself to feel yourself.
Do this for as long as you can and then come back to our conversation.

Welcome back, Natalia.

Our best will not always coincide with the best aspired to and expected by other people and in different contexts of life. But if we are doing our best, if we are giving ourselves body, heart, mind and soul —every drop of blood, tears and sweat—to something or someone and yet dissatisfaction is present on the part of others or on our own we must devote a moment to self-analysis. For it is possible that our best is being put into the wrong activity, into the wrong relationship—and for that reason we are feeling like a piece that is not fitting no matter how much we are pushing and forcing its end in the all of the puzzle. As much as we are trimming our edges and building new parts of ourselves and reproducing a scenario that no longer matches who we are today.

We are like a puzzle piece that is trying to fit into a scenario that no longer comfortably houses our being. And we are feeling the way we do because you are shrinking in some situations we are straining in others more than we feel ready to do. The limits are expandable. We must be aware of how much and when our fronts can and should be expanded, Natalia.

Everything has timing and rhythm. Try to know your timing and rhythm. You may find that you are trying to dance to a song that does not match the melody produced by the strings of your being. Your limits must expand gradually, otherwise they break, forcing you to repair the damage caused and only after repaired, start over from the beginning.

Try to undress yourself of all comparisons.

Try to compare as little as possible.

Each one of your struggles to those of others. Your achievements. Your way of being, thinking and feeling the world and yourself. Your reality and your expectations about everything and everyone. Try to undress yourself of all of it. The way you have been working through the insecurities, the dreams, the fears and the desires–

The anxiety is acting as a herald from your body.

What are you looking at but not noticing?

Tell me a little bit about what usually neutralizes or mitigates anxiety for you. What usually works, even if minimally and temporarily? Maybe I can suggest something you have not tried yet.

You are not able to avoid anxiety YET. It is a visitor you have been having for tea a few times, not who you are. Just what you are feeling currently.

About the emptiness you have been feeling as you have been living your life–
The absolute void—the nothingness—of which almost the entire universe is composed is heavier than everything else in the cosmos. Your 'void' is filled with something that you have not discovered yet what it is — allow yourself to look through the dark matter of your being.

Your words suggest to me that you have been existing and not living your life. You have not been present in your own life because you are living on worry. Both have become immaterial places where your mind has been taking you. You have been so focused on both that despite seeing a door in front of you, you have forgotten that you are the lock and the key.
Eating normally is not synonymous with having quality in a meal, remember that. Sleeping normally does not mean having quality sleep. If we allow it, Natalia, everything can be a spiritual experience. And, you deserve more than eating normally to live. You deserve more than sleeping normally to wake up and exist.

Ask yourself:
"Am I living or surviving?"

About the reading you have been doing, do you enjoy it? Does it reach the depths of your soul or does it just blow over the surface without even touching it?

What are your current readings?

As for the difficulty in practicing–

It can feel difficult, and sometimes even so bloody impossible, to implement all the wisdom contained in a reading; however, if this echoes on our heart, giving up need not and should not be an option. Because, you, Natalia, deserve every attempt. And every attempt, even if it fails, is precious. It says a ton about each soul.

So do not give up trying. Nor do you harbor the thought that it is too late to start over, to change what feels out of place.

As long as it enters your lungs, as long as your heart beats, there is hope, Natalia. Even when you take your last breath and offer the world the last note of music that your heart will beat, the hope will follow you into the afterlife.

You are thinking of yourself and feeling yourself as a caterpillar, blind to the unique beauty of your wings, Natalia. 🦋

Chiron.

Note: Was there more to respond from your words?

(II) Note: copy and paste the content present on my letter into the notepad of your mobile phone. Reply my words there. Then copy or paste your own answer on the website — [https://notes.io/] — and transfer the content to a new postcard of ours.
Note II:
"Comparison is a disease, one of the greatest diseases. We are taught from the very beginning to compare. Your mother starts comparing you with other children. Your father compares. The teacher says, “Look at Johnny, how well he is doing, and you are not doing good at all!”
From the very beginning you are being told to compare yourself with others. This is the greatest disease; it is like a cancer that goes on destroying your very soul. Each individual is unique, and comparison is not possible. I am just myself and you are just yourself. There is nobody else in the world to be compared with. Do you compare a marigold with a rose flower? You don’t compare. Do you compare a mango with an apple? You don’t compare. You know they are different - comparison is not possible.
Man is not a species. Each man is unique. There has never been any individual like you before and there will never be again. You are utterly unique. This is your privilege, your prerogative, life’s blessing - that it has made you unique."

— Osho.