Notes

Dear Natalia,

My heart rejoices to know that our conversations have reached you in a positive way, since every word on my part is imbued with positive and selfless intentions towards you. I want your welfare without desiring anything in return for any help I can provide you through our conversations.

As for the background, where exactly is your curiosity hanging?

Well, let us cover some ground first–

I do not use drugs or consume alcohol and I do not smoke either. I obey traffic laws and I have never been arrested or received a fine. But I used to stop by the headmaster's office countless times. Nothing serious or illegal. My heart finds an echo in veganism, activism and volunteerism. I am a pacifist, although I am in favor of learning self-defense. I am a feminist. I believe that fighting for women is fighting for humanity.

About psychology: matters involving the mind are just one of an infinite and varied myriad of interests of mine.

Do you remember the title of the Korean gore movie, Natalia? Maybe I watched it or at least set my eyes on it. 1899 and Dark are on my multifaceted and timeless list. The fact that you recommend both shows that we have some things in common. And songs, which song among the ones you have on your current playlist, could you listen to over and over again without getting bored?

Many people end up not remembering their dreams due to stress. You may have dreamed countless dream fragments, like a oniric patchwork quilt, but your mind has only closed the curtains and you are not able to peer through. I usually remember my dreams. They are vivid, some lucid. Sometimes I manage to continue them if I am interrupted before completion. And some have a beginning, middle and end. Friday, I dreamed in black-and-white, when I usually dream in color. It looked like a movie from the 40s. It was very brief, Fragments. I was a young man who fell in love with a married young woman who also fell in love with me. I remember telling her I could not stop thinking about her. I realized I'd been trying with all my being to avoid thinking about her romantically. I remember her face so vividly I could draw her features. I remember knowing my own physical appearance when I was shot by the husband of the woman I fell in love with. There was no pain at all. I saw my body from above, as if I was hovering over it. And before I woke up, I remember hearing the women ask me: "Meet me in the next life."

Put a 'to do list of my strengths' on your to-do list. You have many qualities, Natalia. You are temporarily blind to them because you are constantly comparing yourself to others and berating yourself. Why do not you try to see how extraordinary you are instead of being the same as everyone else? Why do not you try to find out who you are, stripping yourself of all those negative labels that you have been covering your being? Try to get to know your normal. What feels good to you. It is like an outfit. Try it. Feel the texture of your normalcy under the skin of your soul. Because what is normal for one may seem crazy to another, and vice versa.

I have ADHD. I found out when I was twenty-nine. I am thirty now. My hyperactivity tends to be more mental than physical, although I may feel the need for physical movement in certain contexts. In the past I felt myself broken and constantly stressed, mentally physically and emotionally drained. The anxiety consumed me because it felt like I was in a race to get to a bloody finish line that I never set my eyes on. Then, things started to cross my path centered on ADHD, without me having looked for them. It was synchronicity coming to my aid. I took the test online from a reliable site, undressed by expectations and I found myself relating to all sorts of situations common to people with ADHD. That led me to the diagnosis. The diagnosis can be made by a neurologist or psychologist. Sometimes you will need a second medical opinion, as for some, ADHD seems to have a face. "You do not look like you have ADHD." And, of course, the person may not have ADHD, and have autism. Or not have both, because we can have both. The diagnosis obtained may be another, whose symptoms are similar identical in some aspects, and can camouflage this.

You do not have to do what your friends do for fun. You can allow yourself to discover what is capable of entertaining you. If you like to go to the cinema. Go to the cinema alone if no other company is more attractive than your own. Solitude, Natalia.

I am an INFJ ambivert, by the way.

I respect nihilistic philosophical doctrine with the same heart that I respect other beliefs. Perhaps because my heart has been throbbing for as long as I can remember for a doctrine that comes to accept all others with humility and fraternal love, undressed of prejudices and criticism. Originating in France, in the mid-nineteenth century, the 'Spiritism' — the referred doctrine — is also a science and philosophy. Unfortunately, there is still a ton of prejudice on the part of some people who are unaware of its essence. Have you heard anything about this doctrine?

Chiron.

For you: [https://youtu.be/gW1WNBntbr4]