Notes

Why do one and my brother always try to evaluate me for this grade? I feel like that's all I am. Grades, grades, grades. it doesn't matter if I end out with 1st place 3rd place 4th place. I get 10+ assignments every day and you expect me to do all of that in a week? I wish I was put in regular school. I wouldn't have problems talking in public. Trying to ask my brother or nae about something is a hassle. I wouldn't be here if I was in a normal school. I'm not like these smart kids. Doing all this math easily all the time. I feel I need to put on a good example cause I'm black and competing with them. Now I'm stacked with bad grades, and will probably hate me now cause all she cares about is my grades. I feel horrible. right now I am failing at everything. I am even failing at life right now. I wanted to fix my body and slim, but I couldn't do that. I tried to not get distracted but I couldn't do that. I'm becoming what my dad didn't want me to be. A failure.

No wonder why I used to draw. I used it to escape my sad emotion. I feel like I've been condensing everything for too long. Sometimes I go outside to cry when everyone is out of the house. Maybe I am in denial I really don't know. Type this made me feel less anxious. I really don't know what I'm saying. I love both my brother and grandmother. I'm just trying to meet their standards. (Same goes for my grandpa).