Notes

this is not a death note but I just need something to do while I try to calm myself down. I feel like I'm not supposed to be here I feel like I'm a problem I feel like I'm not needed I always get in trouble for no reason no matter how hard I try to make people happy I always fail to do so it's to the point to where I don't even know what to do anymore I have no one to talk to and to vent to because people don't know how to keep their mouth close. I try to stay to myself but when I do that it's a problem and when I don't try to express how I'm feeling it's still a problem I'm always home in my room I don't bother no one just here thinking about life I can't really hangout with my friends because I'm not allowed to go anywhere anymore. no one sees it but I'm the only one that really helps out around the house my brother barely does anything only time he really helps is if he wants to go somewhere or do something even if he doesn't do anything he still gets to do what he wants. I just feel unwanted deep down inside I just want to scream and spaz out, but I don't because I actually care about peoples feeling even though I shouldn't. Don't even understand how hurt I am right now my heart hurts, and I don't know how to control my feeling. I just feel like I'm losing everyone even myself. I'm starting to think like what life would be like if I wasn't here. I started distancing myself from be and to me it looks like everyone is doing fine with me not around. I'm so lonely and I hate feeling like this I just wish people would see of from my perspective I'm going through everything by myself I literally have o one I know I have friends that care about me but that's just how I really feel. When my grandparents were alive, I felt safe like I felt like no one can get me or bother me but now I don't want to be here I don't want to be nowhere but up there with my grandparents. when they were here, I know I was loved but now that they are gone, I don't know what's real or what's fake. I hate being treated like my feelings don't matter to anyone. I type my feelings out because I don't know how to talk to people