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only if you knew how much i hated living . there was some point in my life where my head was under water for so long it made me suffocate . i hated life . i hated school . i hated my friends . i hated everyone . that was the darkest point in my life where i'd never want to ever experience or let anyone go through what i've been through . no one knew how suicidal i was . my problems made me hated myself , i still do . it still haven't changed how i feel about myself yet . some part of me thinks it'll never change . whatever happens , im still feel disgusted about myself . my mind , my body , my heart . only i knew how dark it is . when i was going through stuff , no one was physically or mentally there . i felt alone . i still do , sometimes through . the fact that the problems made me so down but i could never seek for the help i needed .

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