Notes

I been thinking to not pay much attention in Instagram but only if it's my close friends, and also not go on instagram until the very end of the day. Obviously if I get a notification from my friends I will answer but not too fast cause then I be dry and lame asf when I text just to reply like no. stop it. so I will start to reply only cuando mi dan las pinches ganas LMFAO okay but if its something urgent im going to obviously respond silly LOL I thought that I was dreaming when you said you loved me </3 BRUUHHHH this song makes me want to cry. makes me think of young me and how she was and acted. she was so passionate and believed in so many things. I feel like one of the things that broke that side of her was my freaking la best coach... he would break me down as way to "build me up" but all what that really do was traumatize me, be insecure, have trust issues, always wondering myself fucking worth at such a young age to the point I already started thinking of suicide. and even think if I was even making an impact in the world when I really thought I was. I am a very sensitive person its so easy to break me, make me mad, upset, happy, smile, all shit lol. I'm an overthinker, very oblivious yet at the same time I am not. I hold a lot of expectations for myself and stuff and I get upset for not meeting those expectations. I been delusional, always daydreaming of this and that. the possibilities of those, can it happen? some do and some don't. I afraid of asking for help even when I really need it, I let myself fail than asking for help. I dont rant my problems to people I don't want them to see me as a burden. I'll be screwed if they saw me as one. but those what hardships are for in any relationship. I may rather deal my problems just between me, but I am sure open to hear anyone out and help them (though most time I can't because I am not a good solver) I also learned more on dealing with people who are in need of ranting to me. i will ask them if theres anything I could do for them or if they just want me to listen. I know how hard it is keeping and bottling something all to yourself not knowing whether to tell someone or just dealing it on yourself cause it's the safer and more easy option. I am now more open to whoever I love you. you could be uninterested in having a small or big convo with me. I will get irritated at first but then come to mind that its totally normal to not engage in a conversation when youre not feeling it because its like "whats the point?" anyway that is it for my lil rant. I wanna learn makeup now hueheheuheueh>