Notes

Joanna's Feelings:

Idk how i feel anymore tbh...im stressed out but okay i dont get myself anymore.Rn im so stressed out because of my parents,they took my phone away and now they want to take my privacy...they stress me out A LOT but idk what to do anymore and when i try to talk to them calmly i burst and start yelling at them.I promise i dont mean to do it, it just comes out i just let all my anger out.But i cant control it i cant and after i do it and i go upstairs i always cry because i feel like thats all i can do and idk why but i get so scared to apologize to them,i feel like if i apologize they wont forgive me but at the same time i find it pointless to apologize because no matter what it still happened and ik im gonna continue doing that to the point that they wont believe me when i were to apologize...I get why they treat me like this and i dont mean it in a bad way i mean it as i know why they are doing these things to me.Theyre my parents they want the best for me and i completely get that but the way i feel after they do all those things to me all it does is make me feel like im a disappointment, a bad daughter and it feels like all im doing is failing at everything...they dont understand how i feel and i get how they feel i just dont feel that feeling.I just wanna be happy again,i just wanna be that little girl everyone loved that never had to worry about any of these things and was always smiling.Honestly the thing that hurts me the most is knowing that im growing up.Tbh thats what im scared of too...im scared to grow up,im scared that when im older im gonna be a failure,im scared that my parents are gonn be gone and im gonna have nobody.Im so scared that I AM growing...because now that i see how much im going through and suffering with my feelings and my life at only 13 im scared that its gonna be so much worse when im older.I try so hard to distract myself from everything i have going on in my own head but ik that if i continue to do that its just gonna come back all of my feelings are just gonna come back and when i am distracted i think im so haooy but really it feels like im dying inside.And ik im 13 but just because im this young it doesnt mean i cant have stress,anxietey,ADHD or deppresion because i can and i have all that.I have feelings too,i have thoughts too.But im so sorry how i treat you guys i dont mean to be like this i just dont know how to respond idk what to do anymore...