Notes

I need a cigarette zxcvbnm
I'm such a whiny, pissed-off, infantile shitkicker and I miss you a lot still like not often but some very few times so horribly much and like, it's been more than half a year since we broke up or whatever the fuck that was and then I go and see somebody who looks like you or think about literally anything and there's no good reason I should still have pangs of sadness that I can feel in my ankles and in the hollows of my ears that make me want to cry and text you and tell you I'm sorry that I couldn't see you were a person and that I'm sorry I was so negative and that I'm angry at you for leaving me and I'm angry at me for knowing you had every right to and still being mad at you. I'm still fucked up and thinking about myself and you and that's bad like I shouldn't think about you and be sad and I sure as shit can't keep texting you and become just this clingy ex-friend that you clearly told to get out that keeps saying "I love you I'm sorry" but I love you, and I am sorry. I'm in Japan right now and I won't be back til July and I'm sitting in an airport in Osaka wishing I could tell you about it and you said so many things when we used to talk like that you would follow me even if I went on a pilgrimage to the moon and that you wanted an honest to god letter about how I felt about you and this is as close as I can get and I'm certain you regret saying that now because this is the Matt equivalent of drunk phone calls at 2 am and this is the official official official end of it like after this I'm deleting and blocking your number and all your texts and I'm spending my time in Japan having fun and then I'm moving to fucking Hawaii to work on a Macadamia nut farm and then I'm going to art school and at some point it'll be awesome and this is really toxic to have around but you spent a lot of exasperated time reading my unrequited text messages so I'm sure you know that sometimes I get on stupid fucking tracks and I don't stop bugging you about it and I haven't matured since 10th grade and I'm sorry about that too. I quit smoking though at least for awhile and I finished school and graduated and all this other shit you have no interest in hearing about and lastly I'm so sorry for this like words can't describe the simultaneous apologeticness and also stupid fucking need to write that I feel about this dumb letter. Also fuck you (but I'm more angry at myself) because now I have a hard time listening to I'll Try Anything Once and it sucks.