Notes

Hey, Honestly. I find it hard to believe that someone or many people like me or even love me...I hate when people yell at me, I try to act all tough and take it but then I break down into a big mess. I'm not strong. emotionally. I wish someone was here for me, but I feel like shit again. no one really cares. they never ask if I'm okay or if I ever want a break. but things just keep piling up. I don't care if anyone tries to kill me because I've already tried to do that to myself anyways. I try to be so happy but everyone pushes it off and ends up making me cry. I still get bad memories of the past as if it keeps crawling up my back to take over me. I also have bad nightmares of situations where I keep getting pulled back into this world of darkness. It's just silence and aloneness. I'm scared of being alone. I don't want to be alone. ever. I feel like no one cares, not my parents, friends, and especially Ivan. I thought I had friends, but sometimes you gotta lie and act like your starting to get better.. right?