Notes

@Lean_Thano .... Topic of getting emotionally attached -

May Allah SWT bless you for looking out for not only yourself, but others on here too. Takes a real man to seek advice and understanding, to pave the way for future sufficiency and resiliency. I too had this problem , especially in my Jahiliya days. First, you should Be proud and grateful for yourself for having good morals and values, cherishing women. Says a lot about your character in a positive light. I have a soft spot for those women who seem innocent and kind hearted.... however, it is a real douchebag move of anyone to ghost or mislead someone, without any proper or weak reasoning. Huge L...and Not a real mature or poise person. Allah SWT works in mysterious ways, and what comes around unjustly, goes right back around. Higher power could have saved you from an even worser situation from occurring, or has a better, actual Queen in line for you. We should all strive to heal healthfully, both the mind and body. The fact that you may have loved her or cared about her so much, got attached, and are heartbroken over it all, It doesn't say much about her, but it says a lot about you. You have the capacity to love someone a lot, open yourself up and be vulnerable - despite getting possibly hurt. And you got hurt, but you took a chance on someone you believed in. It takes a lot of courage - heartbreak hurts the most and it's the most personal. Seems you really cared about her, and now you're suffering because things didn't work out. It doesn't mean you're weak, or stupid, or anything like that. It simply means you really cared about her a lot. It means you're a strong man to be able to open up your heart that much and be vulnerable to such person. It means you took a chance, and it didn't work out, but you took a chance anyway. It means next time, even if your mind doesn't remember - your body and emotions will, and it'll help you not get into the same type of situation next time, even if you think you really want to. I'd say it also means that if you find a girl who appreciates you for all that you bring, she'll be a very lucky girl. I know some learn the hard way and some don't learn the easy way in these types of situations, but I know I have...so I wouldn't take it too personal, for the sake of your current and future state, partner, and blessings. There's better women that are waiting for you that will cherish the greatness you hold, and be so happy to have found you in the future. As stated prior, it may have just been a good thing this didn't work out because of how things turned out. She didn't appreciate you enough, and you deserve better - you'll be a lot happier with somebody who does. Envision not expectations so soon, but rather, envision reality through sensible a sensible scope, comprising of gainful wisdom. Going through such things myself in the past....It was a mixed bag of emotions, bittersweet, but the time had come to go forward for the better. It is sad going through such sudden, anxiety ridden, stressful events....but sooner or later, we need to pick ourselves up, build ourselves, learn from it, and progress forward with self care, caution, yet optimism. Simply Looking out for yourself, not forgetting to valuing yourself more, upholding some of preventive actions/mechanisms discussed below to not got down the path of early unnecessary valuing of women which can just lead to emotions/heartbreaks....embracing being mellow and not too clingy as women tend to then get attached to you with such reverse psychology at times. At one point in my life, with all the heartbreaks I had, I became numb to letting it affect my life negatively...but numb in a way where I’ve given each heartbreak its due diligence and time to recuperate , learning and growing from it, not falling into prolonged sadness. In my early instances, I let heartbreaks and the emotions with that create turmoil within so many areas of my life, where looking back now, could have saved me so much time if understanding of how precious time and reasoning could have been valued....nonetheless, lived and learned and ultimately decided to love myself. Once you realize all women got coochies , tits, and an ass, makes u realize they all the same more or less...the only difference is the unique one who has a genuine personality filled with deen/love for Allah SWT, sees the King in you, and helps you to get into Jannah. The sabr-filled battle with one’s emotions becomes easier when you do preventative actions, such as not letting your heart take over your mind....catching yourself by taking deep breaths filled with realizations and reasonings. This not only increased your sabr, but also trains your heart to think logically and with care for you. Your nafs and body will thank you inevitably.

Calmness , coolness, collectiveness, productive/positive activities and thinking, deeper purpose/understanding of life (Deen), deep breathing, connecting with nature and sunlight, therapeutic yet positive outlets (working out/Islam), other optimizations.....all help to not fall into the temptations of prolonged self destructive emotional sadness and regret. And at times, getting too emotionally attached comes to be desperation. Once you've gained some confidence and self-esteem adhering you the above you'll do it less. It will help you grow as well. Life is full of transformative experiences like this one. If you lean into it, and you don't try to fight things that already occurred or hold onto the status quo, you will emerge a stronger person. It is however completely worth it to Put in a great amount of work into developing these habits/skills. Now these are just the Results we want. Mechanisms of obtaining these will differ with people. That’s where the creativity lies in developing these Mechanisms. Just trust that emotions shift like the wind - they will blow over and then come back on another rainy day. Don't take them too seriously and don't dive headlong into their murky pool. You might however consider them as a familiar friend and ask them what you can learn from them. Perhaps take short concentrated moments of stillness where you allow yourself to objectively feel them, and then whisper to yourself with Allah SWT in mind - what is causing this downness? this depression? this anger? And most likely you will get a reply, Islamic realization, a reply you can work with and grow from. Sometimes the reply might reveal someone we need to forgive from an old hurt. Sometimes the reply might reveal a way of unethical living we must stop engaging in. Sometimes we find an old wound from childhood, and we need to embrace and love our inner child. Sometimes a fear may arise, like - yes, today is the day I have to go on an a job interview or new date. Many times, too, emotions are like a pendulum - to the degree that one feels down and out today will be the equal and opposite degree (and not one degree more) that one might feel happy and elated tomorrow. Hence, when you are down, just remember that such feelings are not meant to last; happiness will come along again. Also, when you are elated (overly happy), don't get too attached, still think sensibly and gratefully, reminding yourself that you might have to face the down feelings again, where real life's work and growth often occur. In the end, be honest, sincere, and at home with emotions, and not grasping onto them too strenuously, and then you will not need to fill them or medicate them over with other prolonged mental sorrowness as an escape, unhealthy cope, or avoidance mechanism.

Never undermine or underestimate yourself and your mind...you have so much capable potential and power already Mashaa Allah, that you have yet to see or experience as its just waiting on you to unleash it.....which results in you gaining wisdom. You will look back one day and realize much more you knew for your age right now than what little you think you know right now. Heck, even looking back just a few months ago, you unleashed so much potential from then....wisdom is multi-faceted and comes in many ways. Remember, It’s always when you least expect, when that special someone comes into your life, till then, focus on you, your family, health, deen , goals, aspirations, ambitions, career, financial growth, the whole nine yards, cuz your progression is a form of attraction. Speaking from experience, a relationship is definitely not something that should be rushed, rather should be considered with thoughtfulness, alignment, and compatibility. Trust me, your time will come, but till then, adhere to above, creating strong branches from your rooted tree, and all will come into place iA :)