Notes

(Day 1.)im honestly done with this world, im tired of everybody bro... im tired of living like this, i was such a hppy person... i always had a smile on my face...but i feel like during these past years my smile is slowly dissapearing and it hurts knowing that im just 14 depressed cutting myselff... i know my 10 year old self wouldnt like seeing me like thiss... 10 year old me would want me smiling would want me happy. i bet shes dissapointed in me everyone is.. i let people vent but i dont tell anybody how i feel i dont tell anybody my feelings i dont tell anybody about my life, i feel like that just wouldnt help with my problems. talking with someone wont fix anything.. some people think different but i dont i dont think thats gonna fix anything just because you talked to someone you know? your pai n is just gonna stay there. in you and in your HEART. I miss the old me dude i really do. i used to care a lot.. but now im just like man fuck people fuck this oh fuck that i dont care about people i dont care about myself i dont care about anything. my heart is broken im broken... sometimes i think about why do i harm myselff... and honestly i dont know myselff. i was free sh for almost 7 months i believe.. but now ive been sh for 3 days. 15 cuts in 1 day.. i talk to my sister about it yeah we do talk about stuff we dont tell our mom.. i wish i was 7 again.I dont want to see myself the way i look at myself right now. i see myself as "Ugly,Disgusting,Depressed,Lonley... now in 2022 you have to be "PRETTY,FAMOUS,SKINNY" yeah you see me? im neither of those. but im glad i have people that care for me i really am. ive lost friends ive lost moslty everybody in this world that ive had before. im loosing myself slowly too.. i just sit there and think.."Damn my own mother is about to lose her own daughter soon.." Yep and you know thats true... it really is...my mom calls me "Lazy" and other things but you know i dont really care because im in my room TRYING to fight for my own life... ive been thinking about killing myself a lot of times... but ive also been thinking about the people that need me here, the people that really care for me. and just by thinking of that i dont know what to do. iots like im lost. my mom doesnt know how bad she hurts me.. i hurt her too and i already lost my bond with her 2 years ago...we figfht almost everyday just because of my attitudes.. i guess shes not used to them after like 3 years... but i dont get that part. i try to but i js dont. im sorry for loosing your time.. im sorry for being a bad daughter. . im sorry for not being the daughter you hoped me to be.. im sorry for not being like other 14 year olds you see everywhere...ive been starving myself .but thats it...cya tmr:).
(Day 2.)This day is going good i guess uhm i did my makeup ive been having attitudes for no reason but you know thats something i cant help really even if i tried i still couldnt fix them... my mom took my phone for no reason so im just listening to music and i did my makeup since i was bored. I watched some youtube and some netflix :0. but yeah this day is just going normal lets just say that... today is Day 6-7 of SH//FREE im actually very proud of myself for that:) but ive been thinking of doing it all over again..BUT ive been trying to stoop myself from doing it.. i decided to stop for some time because cutting yourself doesnt really fix your life... its just harming yourself.. but it just feels good to the point where you just wanna keep on doing it every day non-stop. Thats day 2 tho!!!
(Day 3.)