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i hate that i love him .. i wish i didnt .. then i wouldnt be crying right at this moment .. why .. its not jealousy .. its not that he did anything wrong .. it the things he isnt doing i guess .. i wish for more .. maybe its me .. maybe im just such a bitch not handleable .. if thats even a word .. our love was a love story and slowly its feeling like the song is fading away .. i dont want it to end i want it to last a lifetime ..

he is living the life i want.. has so many friends.. always hanging out.. living life as he please.. enjoying his youth.. he is leaving me to realize how boring unfun and alone i truly am.. how im technically in this world to take on space..

ive lied to him on things i say i do..
i say im on a night drive with people.....lie
i say im with my ex hanging.....lie
i say i went to eat tacos.....lie
i say all these things when in reality i just stood home doing nothing just feeling depressed and sad for myself. . .
i dont have friends anymore .. well friends that count .. that i can just vent to .. friends i am comfortable to vent to

i feel so alone

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