Notes

5 Steps to Better Self Look after Moms
You might think: "What does self care have to do with parenting skills or motherhood"? Well it has everything regarding it, actually. The most important way we can spread our knowledge to your children is through our actions. It is the way in which we have the greatest impact on them, more than with what that we speak. If you want your children to take good care of themselves, especially in your absence, you need to do it on your own first. Leading by example is key.

If they see you always prioritizing other's needs before your own, you're teaching them to put others' needs first at the expense of these own. People pleasing is not a sustainable approach to life. In the long term it can result in depression, anger, resentment, despair.

Unhealed wounds are passed down from one generation to the next, when we live and parent unconsciously. All too common, we see women raised with the principle that putting their needs first equals being selfish. Childhood or past wounds can result in poor self esteem, which leads to insufficient proper self care. In the event that you have a problem with this, delve deeper into your issues, and work through them. This can greatly change the way you parent yourself, and in turn your child, for the better.

Adequate self care starts with setting healthy boundaries, which goes together with self respect, and self respect is due to healthy self-esteem. If your have an ample amount of self love, the greater the chances your child will also create a healthy level self esteem.

Amid attachment parenting and conscious parenting, there's still space to take proper care of yourself. How will your child learn self love unless you have love on your own. You teach people how exactly to treat you, also it starts with your family. In the event that you send conflicting messages in the middle of your actions and your words, trust me, your children and people around you'll be guided by your actions.

I have seen it way too many times in my practice, parents asking me to heal the youngster of an ailment which is only a mirror image of their own suffering. But like the majority of moms, and I have already been guilty of this on many occasions, sometimes we show more love and dedication to your children than we do to ourselves.

We always put them first, at the trouble of our own health and wellness. But I learned the hard way that if I did so not heal or manage myself first, i quickly am wii teacher to my daughter.

It is important that you create on your own rituals of self care, and set clear boundaries for others to respect of mommy time. Practice your favourite hobby, socialize together with your friends, have date nights together with your husband or partner, workout, do yoga, meditate, read, enjoy a warm bath, treat yourself in a manner that enables you to happy, etc. Whatever brings you joy and peace. Schedule it and ensure it is a habit. It's important that you make time dedicated to yourself only. Make yourself important.

Step 1 1: Do make a point to make yourself happy once a day for the easy doable things, and regularly for bigger ticket items. Below are a few examples of what I love to do for myself every day: read a book at bedtime, meditate, yoga, write my book, listen to my favourite radio station when I cook or walk the dog or drive. Here are examples of things I like to do for myself on a weekly basis: meet with an excellent friend or call, garden, venture out for tea or coffee in my favourite coffee shop and write, have a nice long walk with the dog, take a nice bath with candles, work on an art project, devote some time alone in my healing room, light a few candles, put soft music, and read special passages in various books (or inspirational cards) (1) that I've, or just sit there in silence and gratitude. Sit down with a bit of paper and write down ideas of varied things or activities that enable you to get joy.

Step 2 2: Develop a special space in your house, or apartment, for yourself. It can be a whole room or a section of an area. If your space is small you should use a divider, or the architecture, to create an illusion of a separate space. You can develop a non-religious altar where you retain special items in that area (on a table or bookshelf) (1). It can have pictures of people you like, special stones, books, candles, crystals, incense, essential oil diffuser, a Himalayan salt lamp, or any inspirational object which has a special meaning to you. You can add a comfortable chair or cushions to take a seat on, a very good music player to relax the senses, etc. Your space can have a style, a colour, special decorative items, etc. The sky may be the limit when it comes to deciding what you label of that space. The important part is that when you enter that space, immediately it shifts you into a positive state of mind, and thus will relax you and assist you to disconnect or unwind, and enable you to get peace and joy. I recommend that you give that space a name. greysteps.com call mine the "healing room". Retreat compared to that space in those moments of self care.

Step three 3: Self love and self care involve loving your imperfections and doing so out loud. Show your kids that it's okay never to be perfect also to make mistakes. Forgive yourself and be kind to yourself. Avoid being so difficult on yourself and this type of perfectionist, as this is exactly what you are teaching your children to become. Instead of paying attention to your perceived flaws, focus on your strengths and assets, and highlight them and become proud of them. Teach exactly the same to your kids. Even super models hate parts of themselves, no one is perfect! In the event that you catch yourself berating yourself or your appearance, correct yourself as you'll correct your son or daughter. Tell that mind of yours to take a hike!

You must embrace your mistakes and imperfections; they're gifts. If you don't, your son or daughter can not only mirror them back to you, but how can you expect them to embrace their own imperfections? Lead by example or you will be perceived as a fraud by your children. Begin by practicing this simple technique called "Mirror Work" as taught by Louise Hay and change the way you talk to yourself (1). What you keep affirming becomes your reality. So be sure to affirm good thoughts in your life.

Step 4 4: Develop a gratitude practice. Once a day, at least, reflect on what you are grateful for (you can also write it in a beautiful journal). It really is especially important to get this done on difficult days since it will put things in perspective. Psychology research shows the positive impact of keeping a gratitude journal (e.g., better sleep, better mood, fewer illness, more happiness - read more articles on the impact of gratitude). Read some tips about keeping a gratitude journal. You may also complete a gratitude quiz to observe how grateful you are, it will give you a great baseline measure (1). It really is well known, an attitude of gratitude results in greater life satisfaction.

Step 5: When you have unhealed wounds, invest in a good therapist. YOU are worth it. As you heal your wounds, and look after yourself, naturally, your son or daughter will benefit. You'll then parent more consciously and therefore, be more present emotionally to you child's actual needs, and you won't project your own issues on her or him (1).

"When mama's happy everyone is happy". This saying bares so much truth. Take time to pamper yourself, it's well worth it.

Action Step: To practice self care and self love, requires a bit of introspection. Begin by deciding what you value in life and what brings you joy, carefully reflect on this. It may take a few days. Look at your schedule and see how, on a daily, and weekly basis, you can make time on your own. Develop those rituals that show just how much you love yourself by working through the 5 steps mentioned above and begin seeing positive changes in your life and your family's life. For more on self-care, read this good book by Cheryl Richardson (The Art of Extreme Self-Care). It really is designed to complete one chapter a month.
Website: https://greysteps.com/