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dont use us. use the reader. dont use seen i think thats past tense. the sentence of ethical appeal doesnt make any fuckin sense. dont use winning side.
the second paragraph is fire but i think you can elaborate more you feel me.
dont use streamrollin you sound retarded. dont use sky high you ssound even more retarded. youre saying war is glorious but before it doesnt sound glprious. just say its glorious for the victors.
ended life of a human being is too wordy. give a example on how the nigga is guilty. in the topic thing youre talking about tone, but at the end you bring up point of view. are you retarded,
say more bs for scope.
overall its aight, but you need to say more bs. fix your motherfuckin grammar. also i think you need a conclusion. i guess use your 2nd body para as a model cause that shit was fire. also relate every concluding to your thesis. oh and i dont knowwhat your thesis cause that shit was way too fuckin long.
you feel me.
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