Notes

December 2022
The young lady came in for with achy joints and lethargy, held back by a smile and reluctant apology. It wasn't her first trip to being assessed. Whether it be a paleobotanist administering the viles for the blood test, a doctor tapping and checking with all sorts of thoughtful finesse, or the x-ray technician whose swift and routine movements hindered not their recognition of what would not be seen in their charts and images. All could spot the patient feigning joy as cover over distress. "You're burnt out!" said the seemingly concerned practitioner listening as if to concur- that they've been there and then, also. Wherever and whatever "that" may be, it seemed clear that they resonated with the patient's effort to digress, not burst straight from the chest, for they also were aloof mysteries. Not wavering from their work through the process, each one's eyes twinkled. It's clear there was history. Memories sparking behind the eyes as they responded kind, responded wise. How many of us can resonate with pain? How many of us chose to feign? Advise another that they shouldn't chain themselves to trauma, hardship, relentless strain- yet we ourselves though empathy of struggle glitters in our compassion as part of a larger moment- belonging- one and the same, we still refrain. Excuses- like the time is not right, the location won't do, the person is a client it's a shame if I divulge "me too!", we've heard all too often, "leave it at the door". Because professionalism renders a score. Where is are the humans? Are there anymore? Then there are those that share open, transparently, as if to say "look, look at me!" be it victim or victor, they express in triumph and the rhetoric surrounding them resounds supportively. But this is very much an anomaly, we choose who to acknowledge, who to make our stars, who we allow to gleam, what they say we determine if it's worth pause, or judgement with vehemence. I wonder what cause allows one to be placed on a pedestal, regardless of claims, complaints, arguments, open goals and the other to face a backlash for thoughts conveyed in just as much of a sincere way. Why one is the saint and the other lie spinner. Whatever the reason for this seemingly arbitrary acceptance, it's clear that most of us have faced pain that results in reluctance to share, to exchange, to be a change. While some might be recluse in only some settings, and others in all and with all, how does a pervasive pain- so rampant and so common remain mostly hidden, under gritted and grinning teeth alike. If any this is a widespread plight, with no name- just fakeness. No claim, just the sign of being repressed.