Notes

TBH I've always dreamed and thought of killing myself but never knew when the right time was, depending on a lot happening this year and some other years I guess it's a bit challenging for us all you know what I mean? So shit happens you know. And I've already got enough shit going on right now, I don't need more or want more. All this just makes me want to close my eyes and wake up in a peaceful place whether it's heaven or hell, I just want the place to be peaceful. No shit, No nothing. I love my nieces and only nephew but they can be annoying something you know? And like sometimes they all just come to me because they say that I'm their favourite but I know I'm not. And my older cousin will come into my room at night and touch me in my sleep so I spoke to him about it for him not to do it again and yea he listened but not really. I have a feeling he's doing it to my niece too. She never usually wakes up earlier than me and she has been waking up really early and I walked in on her sitting on his lap and knowing him. I know he doesn't just wanna do her hair. She's only 8 and I don't want her to go through the things I went through. I want her to go through better, good, safe things. My dad body shames and so does my mum and it's getting annoying now. I would order a side meal and my mum would say I'm trying to be skinnier when I'm just not hungry, I'd even skip dinner sometimes just cause of it. I fight the sleep because I have a lot to get out of my feelings and sometimes it won't always be a person so here I am writing on notes. My only real friends that I ever felt close with, left. And I feel like I'll never see them again which is a fear I never wished to occur. I don't want anything else other than the sound of peace and quiet. But sometimes the things you want won't come to you in a snap of the fingers. Rihanna - Lift me up, Calm song. Listen to it when you need to. ❤