Notes

bro I feel like I want to suicide. my anger is stacking in my feelings. happiness is a strong word, anger is a light word, but if you stack anger, it fucking hurts. I have you and all these friends. Yet I am so fucking miserable. If I tell people my life story, 90% of society right now is going to speak nothing, speechless in other words, no one would understand me if I speak, my family doesn't understand what it feels and just yells at me for doing something little. but also yells at me for doing something big, I hate my life but I can't because its HARAM, I don't want to talk my problems to my family, if I talk once they just interrupt and make themselves right and then say they aren't right. my life is madness, I always think I want to kill myself and break things when I am in the middle of using it. Society right now just speak "facts", "Cap", "L bro", "Bro is not a sigma", "female is a slur to me", I hate fucking society, I can't even get out without the feeling "insecure". People say "if you hate your looks then you hate god's creation", I hate that and people just lecture me or give me a long ass speech and wasting (my lifetime). People say I am so rude and such when I don't speak a thing to them, I do this and its wrong, I don't know the steps I should choose in life, I am failing school like the moment Kobe Bryant's pilot was wrong, I can't fucking say this to people without people saying I am a failure for being proud of that and letting it be that way, I am FUCKING TRYING to force that feeling away, my feeling can't be described in words, arts, or even movements. lastly, I want my life back. I want my old life back, the way my mother used to pat my head once in a while, the way I could sleep without being bothered, the way of them treating me like a king when I was sick, the way I could play with my friends. I hate this "online school" called Pearson academy. I think my own life is failing, no need opinions. Sadly I can't kill myself, because its Haram.